Review: Cookies & Screeem M&M’s & The Thing About Being A Bills Fan…

JFG Nation, the Mayweather-McGregor fight is over (thank you, Periscope and some random kid in Germany for letting me watch that fiasco for free). Baseball is racing towards the finish line…sort of. And my head is still spinning from the Cavs/Celts trade…which is…maybe not complete yet? (How does this happen, by the way? A trade is announced…and then one side is still looking for more in the deal? What the hell, man? WHAT’S THE POINT OF SHAKING HANDS AT ALL??)

Anyways, the NFL is basically here, and for the uninitiated: I am a Buffalo Bills fan. Why? Because I’m from Upstate New York, Nation. And Upstate (not Western) New Yorkers have a bond: Nick Tahous, Abbott’s Custard, La Nova wings, and suffering. Suffering through Buffalo Bills seasons.

Forget politics or hot takes or whatever Twitter is shrieking about for the moment: when I meet another Bills fan, it doesn’t matter if we are the two most different people in the world – there is a bond. A knowingness. A familiarity that makes you empathize and understand that person. Because being a Bills fan is ROUGH.

I grew up during the 90s Bills Super Bowls. I remember what it was like. I had my heart break four times as an adolescent, watched a carousel of QBs trample on that same heart since the mid 90’s, and watched as the Titans picked my heart up off the ground and put through a meat grinder. JP Losman. Marshawn Lynch. Peerless Price. These names stab at me like little orcs with spears.

Don’t come at me whining about your team. “Oh, my owner and GM don’t know what they’re doing.” We’ve had ten coaches since 1999! “Oh out defense is overpaid!” The Bills have had only TWO above .500 season is 17 years!!! “I hate that we make it to the playoffs and can never advance out of the first round!” EFF. YOU. “Our QB is Sam Bradford!” …ok, Vikes fans, you win that one.

Do you know what it’s like?! Do you know what it feels like to not make the playoffs for 17 seasons, the longest streak in the NFL?? Do you know what it’s like to see Marshawn Lynch make the Pro Bowl and then get sidelined by a bunch of BS until he was replaced by Fred Jackson and traded, only to light it up in Seattle? Do you know what it’s like to look at the schedule and see only three wins? (Sorry Jets but we’re beating you both times because of all the teams YOU STINK HACKENBERG IS YOUR QB YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME).

17 years is a long time to wait for any sort of success, and this year promises to be 18 straight. I’ve been here the whole time, before Rex, before Bills Mafia, before the Music City Miracle… excuse me while I sob silently in the corner.

But regardless, I’m looking forward to the NFL season. What about you? Let me know who your team is in the comments below, and what your outlook on the season is. Except for you, Pats fans. Sucks to your assmar.

Today’s junk food: Cookies & Screeem M&M’s!!

Ah, Fall M&M flavors. Let’s go through them, shall we?

White Chocolate Candy Corn M&M’s …check

Pumpkin Spice M&M’s …check

Pumpkin Spice Latte M&M’s …check check

OOO the ever popular Pecan Pie M&M’s …checkity check

And of course, last year’s White BOO-tterscotch M&M’s. Check.

M&M’s loves Fall flavors, and now we have these – Cookies & Screeem. Why three Es? Because M&M’s knows we are simple folk and throwing an A on the end would just mess with everyone’s head.

DO THESE TASTE GOOD? Oh, YES.

WHY OR WHY NOT? I swear, when I opened and sniffed the bag, it smelled like Oreos. When I looked at the cross section of the larger than normal M&M, it looked like an Oreo. Dark chocolate outside, white chocolate inside. The combo, however, was extremely Oreo-like. There was a cocoa-ness to the overall chew that was unmistakably Oreo-flavored, and I definitely got the “slightly bitter dark chocolate sweetened by the white ‘creme’ chocolate” sensation that I get from Oreos. These were uncanny, and very very tasty. Oreos in M&M-form. Ridiculous.

ANYTHING ELSE I SHOULD KNOW? One point of criticism – why are these slightly larger M&M’s not more consistent when it comes to size and shape? Don’t you have a machine that makes these, Mars? UNIFORMITY, PLEASE.

PURCHASED AT: Target, Germantown, MD.

WHERE FOUND IN STORE? By the registers.

COST? $3 on sale.

Sincerely,

The JFG

Discuss - 14 Comments

  1. alek says:

    A cookie core would made these better.

  2. James says:

    Do you ever write a negative review? I enjoy your site since I am also a junk food buy, but everything you review is summarized with a “YES it tastes good.” It makes your reviews completely worthless.

    • junkfoodguy says:

      @James: eh, I just try to keep the simple – I don’t do ratings because what’s a 10 to me might be a 5 to you and a 1 to someone else.

      So, knowing that taste is subjective, I just try to limit it to tastes good vs tastes bad. Whether it’s something that appeals to my or your or someone else’s preference – that’s where I hope my descriptions are helpful. But yeah – I try to separate “doesn’t taste good” from “I personally don’t like it”

    • Kahnye Best says:

      Someday the JFG will realize that Pringles are actually thin slices of salted cardboard and rate them as they deserve. It will happen.

  3. Karin says:

    I don’t recall JFG liking the Swedish Fish Oreo. Those pictures didn’t seem to pleased lol.

  4. Nick T says:

    I’m a Jets fan…things look bleak. I have no hard feelings against the bills, though. I’m hoping they beat the Patriots a couple times this year, because the jets sure won’t.

    I find your reviews very helpful. Scores are subjective, especially because the majority of junk food is going to taste at least somewhat good. Your reviews describe the taste, which I appreciate.

    • junkfoodguy says:

      @Nick T: that’s exactly it – it’s rare a junk food tastes “bad” ….but even if something tastes “good” you or me or James might still not love it.

      Side note: now that I’ve read that Keith Wenning may start the Bills season, the Jets are beating us both times. We might not win one game. Sigh.

  5. Sarah says:

    Yes….yes JFG….I KNOW!!! Also….you just reminded me about the Bootterscotch!….I loved those!

  6. Jessica says:

    Daughter of a Western NYer here (I much prefer true Anchor Bar wings myself), never much of a football fan but kind of a Bills fan by default because back then the Bucs were just as bad. Was also raised as an Atlanta Braves fan during the rotten years, endured many pitiful seasons with my hometown Tampa Bay Rays and Lightning. Being a sports fan can be very painful.

  7. Carolina Panthers fan here. I have high expectations for this season after the disappointment last year…

    • ruckus says:

      Panthers fan here as well. Cam and the offense takes the spotlight a lot, but my questions go to the defense. If we defend well it will be a good year.

  8. Sascha says:

    Bucs fan (0:14) who moved to Michigan and became a Lions fan (0:16), so yeah, I know your pain. However, highly optimistic about both teams this year.

  9. Kahnye Best says:

    “Don’t come at me whining about your team. ‘Oh, my owner and GM don’t know what they’re doing.’ We’ve had ten coaches since 1999! ‘Oh out defense is overpaid!’”

    Meh. Wake me up when it turns out that “Bills” is a derogatory name for a race of people not named William.

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