Review: Doritos Poppin’ Jalapeno Chips & The Wizards Lost And I HATE EVERYTHING

JFG Nation, if it sounds like I’m exhausted, I am. The Wizards lost game 7 last night and I am in a rotten mood. I’m not even blaming Boston! They were the better team. I’m not one of those idiot fans who yells “well, we SHOULD’VE won.” No we shouldn’t have – my gripes:

1. Marcin Gortat: please protect the ball when you post up. Please stop getting pick pocketed by players smaller than you. Please try to elevate a LITTLE bit more when you go in for quick layups since you are, in fact, 6′ 11″. Please avoid getting blocked on those layups. Please stop traveling. Thank you.

2. Keef Morris: please as an undersized 4 run the court with Wall and Beal. THAT IS THE ENTIRE POINT OF A SMALLER LINEUP IS SPEED. Please stop lumbering up and down like you’re Shaq. You’re 6′ 10″ and 245 NOT 345. If you’re going to be a stretch 4 please learn down to post up and take mid range shots. Please stop throwing the ball out of bounds you aren’t John Stockton thank you.

3. Otto Porter: please have more confidence in your shot like at the beginning of the season. Please have more confidence in your shot. Please have more confidence in your shot and then actually hit shots. Please do something that would give others more confidence to get you the ball. Thank you.

4. Ian Mahimi: WHAT THE HELL. PLEASE LEARN HOW TO PLAY CENTER. PLEASE PUT YOUR ARMS UP AND BLOCK SHOTS. PLEASE LEARN TO POST UP YOU ARE 6′ 11″ MY GOD PLEASE PLAY BASKETBALL BETTER.

5. Bogdanovic: aren’t you a 3-pt specialist???!

6. Bradley Beal: You played fine but when you get hit you are slow to get up, slow to get down the floor, and you are getting out muscled ALL THE TIME. Please gain weight. Your moves are smooth until you get closed on and then it looks like you have no answers. You get bumped off your pivot foot all the time. You play TOO cool sometimes.

7. John Wall: you were burnt out by the end. We know this. You did everything you could and jacked up shots that wouldn’t fall. I hate to say this since you gave it your all, but you need to lead even more now. You need to tell these fools on your team where to be at all times. You need to be vocal in that huddle. DC asks the world of you and now we want more. But that’s only because you’re the only one who can deliver. Thank you for playing with urgency.

Grumble.

Today’s junk food: Doritos Poppin’ Jalapeno Chips!!

These Poppin Jalapeño Doritos aren’t new but they are back co-branded with the Guardians of the Galaxy movie. I didn’t have them the first time around.

DO THESE TASTE GOOD? Yes.

WHY OR WHY NOT? These taste sort of like jalapeño poppers – which is to say they have a nice strong taste of cheese and that vegetable-y Jalapeño flavor. There is no tomato powder to give any tart or sweet to help off set the flavor – the savory flavor here leaned vegetable for sure. While slightly onion-y and garlicky, the jalapeño flavor was strong.

These didn’t have a lot of heat IMO so despite the flames these weren’t spicy. The cheese was fine – it wasn’t especially cream cheesy – which I would’ve wanted in a jalapeño popper chip. Nope – these are just a nice, crisp, roasted jalapeño flavored Dorito.

ANYTHING ELSE I SHOULD KNOW? In real life,,I don’t like jalapeño poppers. JFGal loves them. She loved these chips. I was just ok with them. Tasted good, but didn’t make me excited.

PURCHASED AT: Walmart, Germantown, MD.

WHERE FOUND IN STORE? Cardboard display in the very back right corner of the store, at the end of the milk aisle. Random.

COST? $1.98.

Sincerely,

The JFG

Discuss - 4 Comments

  1. Lindemann says:

    I hate that Ernie Grunfeld is going to be the one to try to fix our bench again. He did it wrong last time and we had a gassed John Wall as a result.

    Also, I will try these chips. Love me some poppers.

  2. Sarah says:

    I am not basketball fan….but I do appreciate how much time you take to write your feelings. It helps me learn things! I never ate a jalapeño popper so I think I need to broaden my horizons!

  3. Michael says:

    How dumb is it that the MVP isnt chosen yet. Like their entire seasons are going to be overridden or forgotten based on how playoffs go.

  4. Kahnye Best says:

    Do you feel like this would have tasted better with say Groot on the packaging instead of Mantis? Which Marvel characters would make the best and worst packaging models? I’m thinking Hulk would get the intensity of Doritos right (maybe Red Hulk?) while you probably wouldn’t want The Thing anywhere near food products (although the “It’s slobbering time” type puns may be too much to resist).

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