Review: Limited Edition Firework Oreo & Ranking Bottled Water

JFG Nation, for some reason I’ve been drinking a lot of bottled water lately. Either I pop into a CVS while I’m out running an errand or it’s on sale at the grocery store – I always seem to have a bottle of water in my hands. Yes, I know they’re bad for the environment – I use an aluminum bottle at work and glasses at home. But when I’m out and about, the plastic bottle of water finds me.

I am convinced that all bottled waters are NOT created equally, and that they taste different. No, I have not done a side by side taste test. Yes, I realize I’m a sucker for paying for expensive bottled water. Let’s not have this debate right now. What I want to debate is: what is the best tasting bottled water? My rankings

FIJI: Oh, Fiji. You’re so clean, so smooth, and when I drink you I feel like I’m floating on a cloud piloted by water fairies. I want to bathe in your clarity. I love you, FIJI.

SMART WATER: The JFGal’s favorite, I must admit – this water Glaceau is undeniably smooth. Smooth like a baby’s bottom. That I’m drinking…ugh, this analogy is horrible. Let’s move on.

VOSS: Someone brought Voss water bottles to work a couple weeks ago. I felt like I was big pimpin’, like the break room was all of a sudden the green room back stage at the Jimmy Kimmel Show. How did it taste? Who knows; THE BOTTLE IS SO COOL.

EVIAN: A classic, right? The first bottled water company I’d ever heard of, even after all the stand up comedians said the name was NAIVE in reverse. Maybe I am naive to pay $2.99 for 16 oz of water. BUT SO ARE YOU, AMERICA.

AQUAFINA: Now we’re getting to some lower rung waters. Aquafina is good in a pinch, and CVS always has sales of this brand. The pricing is weird though – do I want two 32 oz bottles of Aquafina for $5, or 32 2-ounce bottles for $2.99? Why are trying to make me kill the Earth, Aquafina?

DASANI: Ugh, this stuff tastes like glass and plastic all in one. Why does Dasani never taste good? This a Coke product?? HOW DARE YOU, COCA COLA.

DEER PARK: This is basically tap water, right? Right. Glad we settled that. I have to go brush my teeth now.

Is there a brand I’m missing? Do you agree/disagree with my rankings? Tell me in the comments below.

Today’s junk food: Limited Edition Firework Oreo!!

Firework Oreos! Just in time for Memorial Day, or Fourth of July, or whatever other explosion filled holiday you celebrate (I’m looking at you, Arbor Day.) Oreos with Pop Rocks in the creme – what could go wrong, right? Plenty of companies started this train (Chuao, Trader Joe’s, Post Pebbles); it was just a matter of time before Oreo hopped on board.

The package makes the creme look like it’s speckled with blue and red specks. Because AMERICA, SON.

DO THESE TASTE GOOD? Yes.

WHY OR WHY NOT? This gimmick here is the popping candy in the creme; other than that, the rest of the Oreo is EXACTLY THE SAME AS A REGULAR OREO. Which isn’t a bad thing – for all the complaining people do that there are too many new and weird flavors of Oreos, this one isn’t a new FLAVOR, per se, but a new sensation.

So did it work? Yes, yes it did. BUT ONLY IF YOU EAT THE CREME BY ITSELF. When eaten as a whole cookie, I got some pops here and there – but otherwise it just felt like I was crunching sugar crystals. The effervescent carbonated popping sensation is much more noticeable when the creme is eaten by itself. The popping candies tasted sweet (and almost a tad bit fruity, like the speckles in the Fruity Crisp Oreos). When I crunched on the creme, and opened my mouth, the popping sounds were loud and clear. The JFGal then asked me to close my mouth, please.

And that’s it. Not a bad cookie, and the novelty is there. Not sure if it’s a repeat buy – after eating these I definitely said, “huh, cool,” but I did not say, “huh, delicious.” It’s just a regular Oreo. For some, that’s a plus. For others, these are a one time thing.

ANYTHING ELSE I SHOULD KNOW? These are available everywhere now, apparently – Walmart, Target, Safeway, Albertsons. These will be flooding the shelves everywhere.

PURCHASED AT: Walmart, Germantown, MD.

WHERE FOUND IN STORE? Standalone displays in front of the register.

COST? $2.88.

Sincerely,

The JFG

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Discuss - 14 Comments

  1. Mekko says:

    I’m all about that Nongfu Spring, and since I can’t drink the tap water in my city in China, it’s pretty much all I drink! Wahaha is a distant second. I find it untrustworthy for some inexplicable reason.

    ALSO, because I’m going crazy China themed with this comment, judging from my latest Walmart trip, they’ve finally released Doritos in China, and the Nacho Cheese flavor, while not exactly the same as the American original, is waaaay better than the Taiwanese imports I was trying to get my fix with before. Finally….delicious cheesy snacks that aren’t freakishly sweet will be mine!

  2. Jeni says:

    Um, why would anyone bite into a whole Oreo like that, anyway?! Everyone knows you are supposed to pry the wafers apart, keeping the creme intact. Dunk one wafer in milk: eat. Then eat the creme separately. Dunk and eat second wafer. Repeat until you feel queasy and slightly ashamed.

    • Tony says:

      Since the popping candy dissolves in liquid to pop you actually can’t dunk these in milk if you want the popping sensation.

  3. Shorneys says:

    I’m usually grumpy AF, but when it comes to bottled water, I’ll just let Lewis Black do it for me: LINK.

    Indictment of Deer Park at 2:30.

  4. M says:

    Fiji is definitely the best, but I keep Arrowhead stocked in my fridge. Evian is good too, Aquafina and Dasani are undrinkable.

  5. Bo says:

    2 words Eric: Poland Spring

    Big fan btw..Nosh show not the same wo/u:)

  6. Jez says:

    Fiji is downright paradisiacal.

  7. Flyguys98 says:

    I feel like Fiji is probably the best but I feel like the store brand is usually the pretty good if not doing tap

  8. J says:

    Poland Spring is THE BEST, in my opinion!

  9. Ann says:

    If you’re like me and you liked the cool feeling you got from chewing mint gum and a sip of water, Metromint was the bottled water for you!
    It was refreshing, smooth, with the right amount of mint, and so easy to drink. And it quenched your thirst immediately.
    Peppermint was my favorite since that was the mintiest flavor.
    Alas they discontinued it…

  10. Sascha says:

    I’m all about the cheap water. But, it must be purified, not spring.

  11. Beeb says:

    the flat Pellegrino has the best mouth feel and taste out there…..alas I cannot find anything but the sparkling anymore around these parts…..wonder if I made a trip to Italy I can bring back a bunch

  12. JJ says:

    Reusable bottle. Tap. Done. Earth saved. Just get one that seals well and you can carry it with you just fine; no need to relegate to office only.

    (Exceptions granted of course for Mekko and for any of the residents of the towns with worse water than Flint’s.)

  13. Sascha says:

    These suck. I mean, they’re Oreos so they don’t suck, but come on, there are fireworks on the package. The only firework these remind me of are sparklers bought 5 years ago.

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