Review (x4): New Ritz Crisp & Thins (Sea Salt, Salt & Vinegar, Cream Cheese & Onion, Bacon), JFG March Madness Pool, What The HELL Are These Pants??

JFG Nation, yesterday I gave the instructions for joining the 2017 JFG March Madness Pool! To enter, click here. The pool ID# is 95312. All the JFG Rules were spelled out yesterday. JOIN UP!

Meanwhile, for anyone interested in clothes out there, I saw these on my friend Michelle’s page, from Nordstrom.com:

Now I’m no fashionista but these appear to be jeans that have clear plastic windows where your knees are. THESE ARE REAL, NATION. Not only that, but:
Get that “futuristic feel” for $95 DOLLARS!!! Great googly moogly. First of all, if these jeans are going to give that futuristic feel, I should be able to levitate in these suckers, not just show off my kneecaps. Second, WHY AM I SHOWING OFF MY KNEECAPS? Jeans that have windows to show off my calves, sure, but kneecaps? And almost $100 in cost??!

No. Just no. You take your kneecapless jeans away, Nordstrom. You take them away and go to the principal’s office.

Thoughts? Tell me in the comments below.

Today’s junk food: New Ritz Crisp & Thins!!

Apparently, New Ritz Crisp & Thins were first introduced in the U.K. in 2015! A Google search shows that the U.K. versions were basically the same, except that they had a sweet red chili flavor while we have bacon as a variety. Because….Murica.

These are NOT “Ritz Chips.” These are potato starch based Ritz snacks so they remind me a lot of the potato Good Thins. Same company (Nabisco), so maybe they’re just trying to capitalize on the light puffed potato cracker market.

New Ritz Sea Salt Crisp & Thins – always start with the original, for the baseline.

DO THESE TASTE GOOD? Yes!

WHY OR WHY NOT? Because these were NOT just Sea Salt flavor. These were delicious – the addition of onion powder made these taste sort of like a crispier version of a Chicken in a Biskit cracker. Really really tasty! Not as buttery as a Ritz, but still flavorful and DANGEROUSLY easy to eat. Wow. Great start!

ANYTHING ELSE I SHOULD KNOW? Not shaped like Ritz. These could easily be called Hexagonal Potato Onion Crisps, and I’d eat the hell out of them.

New Ritz Salt & Vinegar Crisp & Thins – second up!

DO THESE TASTE GOOD? Yes.

WHY OR WHY NOT? If you’re a malt vinegar fan, you’re gonna love these. The salt and vinegar flavor was not overpowering. It didn’t sting like a balsamic and wasn’t super sour like a standard salt and vinegar potato chip. The flavor here reminded me more of malt vinegar on french fries. I enjoyed these a lot.

ANYTHING ELSE I SHOULD KNOW? They didn’t smell heavily of vinegar when I opened the bag, which was the first clue as to the acidity level. While the vinegar had a decent initial punch, mellowed quickly.

New Ritz Cream Cheese & Onion Crisp & Thins – third. Note: NOT Sour Cream & Chive, but Cream Cheese & Onion.

DO THESE TASTE GOOD? Yes!!

WHY OR WHY NOT? Because the flavor tasted more like a potato chip dipped into HelluvaGood onion dip than just a straight onion cream cheese (although that isn’t an inaccurate flavor profile). Very savory, very creamy, purely onion-y, executed perfectly. Faded into the same savoriness as the regular Sea Salt variety.

ANYTHING ELSE I SHOULD KNOW? Nope. Just tasty tasty tasty!

New Ritz Bacon Crisp & Thins – last one!

DO THESE TASTE GOOD? Yes.

WHY OR WHY NOT? Because it’s bacon, DUH!

ANYTHING ELSE I SHOULD KNOW? Surprisingly, this was my least favorite one. It was the JFGal’s favorite. My beef: not bacon-y enough! Light bacon flavor with a small amount of smoke, but not enough for me to think BACON! This reminded me a lot of the actual Bacon Ritz – good idea, poor execution. The chip itself still TASTED good because it had a nice onion-y savoriness, but it was clear this could’ve been a lot better.

So there you have it! Thanks for sending these over the pond, UK!

PURCHASED AT: Giant Food, Van Ness, DC.

WHERE FOUND IN STORE? Cracker aisle.

COST? $3.00 each on sale.

Sincerely,

The JFG

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Discuss - 12 Comments

  1. Marianne says:

    Omg. Nordstroms, you should have waited a couple of weeks and rolled these out as an April Fools joke. Because they are a joke and if I ever actually saw anybody wearing these in real life I might laugh so hard I’d pee.

    Ive had the sea sale flavor and loved it. I got the salt and vinegar as a bogo but I have not tried them yet. Looking forward to it now though.

  2. hose jeans are beyond awful. What are they doing? What sort of person would wear those? Wait wait, beyond that… what sort of person would PAY to wear those? My mind, I think it just broke.

  3. Sarah says:

    This is the funniest thing you have ever written. Ever.

  4. M says:

    Since they are marketing them as “Mom” jeans, would the thought process be that since mom’s are dealing with little kids, which includes kneeling down a lot, that they designed a jean in which the fabric wouldn’t be damaged / dirtied when doing so?

    Still stupid, just a thought.

    • Ann says:

      That…actually…makes sense. Still, why they used clear plastic instead of an opaque colored plastic is beyond me.

    • Michael says:

      For spills specifically on the knee ,aybe. But denim is meant to be durable makes no sense to use a plastic.

  5. Deanna S says:

    These are one pair of jeans I definitely don’t (k)need.

    @JunkFoodGuy, what’s the official ranking for the 4 flavors?

  6. Alexis says:

    What you wrote was so funny that I now want to read your blog regularly

  7. Kimberly Anne Seney says:

    These crisp thins are great…buuut, by the time they hit the shelves they are crisp crumbs. You could make another one and call them “A Little Thicker Than Thin.” You guys can develop another “Cracker Chip” that’s a little thicker than thin and a little thinner than thick and wala, the perfect “Cracker Chip” Still keep the thins though because some people like and don’t mind that they have been reduced to crumbs by the time they hit the shelves while others don’t like it because while the thin is great tasting they make a mess, and when your at your desk working, you don’t want people looking at crumbs all over your shirt. Either way the Ritz cracker, crisp, they are number one in my opinion.

  8. Kelly Utykanski says:

    Maybe good for prostitutes or those on their knees a lot???

    Also Ritz Sea Salt – Amazing!!! Yes very dangerously easy to enjoy.

  9. Jerry says:

    i like them alot

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