Review: Trader Joe’s Golden Spiced Milk Chocolate Bar & Super Bowl 51 Prop Bets, Part 2; My Pick

JFG Nation, more prop bets, MORE PROP BETS!

Length of Luke Bryan’s National Anthem: Over/Under 2 minutes, 15 seconds.

I always play this bet, and I always bet the over. feel like this is ALWAYS an over. Even with Lady Gaga cutting it close, I think he last note lasted something like eight days. The only person who I remember racing through the National Anthem and making me really nervous was Kelly Clarkson. DAMN YOU KELLY SLOW DOWN. MILK THAT PATRIOTISM.

What color will the liquid be that is poured on the winning coach? 

  • Clear 3/1
  • Lime/green 3/1
  • Orange 3/1
  • Yellow 3/1
  • Red 6/1
  • Blue 15/2
  • Purple 12/1

PURPLE?! NO ONE drinks purple Gatorade, because that’s disgusting. BUT – if you’re going to start spraying the winning coach with Mountain Dew Pitch Black? That…that I could get behind.

The last time the Pats won, apparently it was Blue Gatorade. The Falcons used Yellow Gatorade after the NFC Championship. I’m shoving all my chips in on…Orange. It’s gonna be Orange. C’MON ORANGE!

My Super Bowl Pick:

New England is favored by 3. The Over/Under is 58.5. Atlanta is a dome team. New England is 6-0 in games Dion Lewis starts. Atlanta has scored more than 30 points in 14 of 18 games this year. The Falcons have more weapons than New England. The Patriots have Belichick and Brady.

What do all these facts mean? Nothing. I’m emotionally exhausted with the sports, work, the world, my own life, and I just want Atlanta to win…if for nothing but shutting up Dan Shaughnessy for at least two minutes. Please, for the love of all that’s good in this world, please Please PLEASE pull off this win, Falcons. Everyone wants to see the awkwardness that would be Goodell shaking Brady’s hand, but I barely watch post-game stuff anyways.

So yeah, in my heart of hearts, I really DON’T know who is going to win. If Atlanta falls behind, they certainly have the pace and speed, even in their running game, to catch up. Same with the Pats – they will short-pass-to-Hogan-Amendola-Edelman you to death. Atlanta has the edge in deep bombs, but the Pats have a slightly better defense.

But where am I putting my money? On the over. On the Falcons to not only cover, but win. Because…this:

The Patriots are going to the Super Bowl in Houston Feb. 5, and they are going to play the Atlanta Falcons, and that takes a little fun out of the experience. It’s thrilling to see the Patriots get a chance to carry out their frontier justice on Roger Goodell. It will be sweet if Bill Belichick becomes the first coach to win five Super Bowls and Tom Brady ends the debate once and for all by surpassing Terry Bradshaw and Joe Montana with five Super Bowl rings.

But Atlanta? Seriously? This will be like the Larry Bird Celtics winning two of their championships by beating the Houston Rockets instead of the Lakers. It’ll be like the Bruins beating the expansion St. Louis Blues to win the Stanley Cup. It’ll be like the Red Sox beating the Colorado Rockies to win the World Series.

THIS ish needs to be nipped in the bud ASAP. Let me know your thoughts in the comments below.

Today’s junk food: Trader Joe’s Golden Spiced Milk Chocolate Bar!!

 

Chocolate bars with spices, coconut, and crisped quinoa? I feel like a hipster just holding this thing. Still – I do like all three of those things, AND Kombucha. WHATEVER, DUDE. PROBIOTICS IN THE HOUSE.

DOES THIS TASTE GOOD? …Ah, sort of. But I’m going to go with…NOT REALLY.

WHY OR WHY NOT? Here’s the thing. I actually enjoy when companies mix a little spice into things, especially into traditional things. When Haagen Dazs mixes a little saffron or turmeric into its flavors, I can get behind it, because you get the essence balanced with the cream. When M&M’s adds chili to its Peanut M&M’s, I enjoy it because the spice doesn’t detract from the flavor. This bar was, to me, a LITTLE heavy handed with the ginger, turmeric, and nutmeg. It took a while for the chocolate-y flavor to emerge fully, so for a while I felt like my mouth was full of spice. While, in the end, the flavor was ok, it took to long for it to click in my head. I don’t know if people just wandering in off the street are going to enjoy this.

ANYTHING ELSE I SHOULD KNOW? The quality of the bar itself is great – good chocolate, crisp quinoa was sort of cool, and the coconut…well, I didn’t taste the coconut. But not bad, otherwise.

PURCHASED AT: Trader Joe’s, Concord Pike, Wilmington, DE

WHERE FOUND I STORE? End cap, new product display.

COST? $1.49.

Sincerely,

The JFG

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Discuss - 4 Comments

  1. If no one drank any of the purple, wouldn’t it be the most likely choice?

  2. “the Pats have a slightly better defense” slightly? #1 scoring defense. Expecting a close, great game, hard to count out either offense even if they fall behind early. Not sure ATL has the rush to rattle Brady.

    No wasting Pitch Black by dumping it on someone. Sacrilege.

  3. Veronika says:

    um…this is a waste of decent chocolate… I don’t like this mix. TJ’s Firework’s Chocolate bar is much better, IMO.

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