Review: Hoagie Haven’s Middle Finger & Knock It Off With the Cold, Spring!
JFG Nation, what the hell? Boston gets snow. The Northeast is on a freeze warning. And today in DC I woke up and it was FREEZING and by the end of the day it’s supposed to be 68 degrees. It’s April 11! C’mon now.
And don’t get me started about New Jersey. As I walked around on Saturday, the cold pavement sucked both the heat and the life out of my body. Thankfully, I was walking to Hoagie Haven, so life wasn’t that bad.
And that brings us to today’s review: Hoagie Haven’s Middle Finger!
Hoagie Haven…the one and only. The type of place that reeks so much of fried food that 15 minutes in this place made my jacket smell like a French fry. Love it.
The best part about Hoagie Haven is that, besides the food itself, it is relatively cheap. You can’t see it because the picture is cut off, but you’re telling me I can get a 16″ pizza cheesesteak for $8? Or here in DC I can buy a salad for $13?? The choice is clear.
Hoagie Haven is one of those places where the staff is constantly moving. There’s no real line. You just give your order to one person and then watch him like a hawk until your sandwich makes it to the register.
Hoagie Haven’s specialty sandwiches…in case you need a reminder of what these are, the menu is here.
Hoagie Haven’s Middle Finger comes wrapped in paper that has absorbed plenty of oil and butter. As it should be. Fun fact: if you light this paper on fire, it will explode.
Hoagie Haven’s Middle Finger is a big ass grilled cheese sandwich….
…and on the inside: a huge fried chicken cutlet, a layer of pepperoni, a glistening layer of mayo, and honey mustard. This sandwich was PIPING HOT….the chicken cutlet came straight from the fire onto the cheese, keeping things molten. Amazing.
The sandwich was constructed perfectly…. The mayo helped keep the chicken cutlet glued in place, and the melted cheese locked the pepperonis down. There was no slippage with each bite… Nothing spilled out or slid out. Execution: A+.
Hoagie Haven’s Middle Finger taste? Let’s just say I DESTROYED this sandwich. The grilled cheese was ooey gooey buttery with a great crisp on the buttery toasted bread. The crispness was accentuated by the fried chicken cutlet which was blazing hot and flavorful.
The pepperoni added a nice saltiness to the whole thing and for a split second gave this sandwich a chicken parm / Italian feel without the tomato sauce. The thing I was worried most about was the honey mustard, which seemed out of place. But as soon as I bit into the sandwich, I understood: this sandwich runs the risk of being a bit one note – it’s a crunchy salty cheeeeesy mess, and everything pushes so far that you might lose the savoriness if you’re not careful.
The honey mustard is muted by the hot cheese but is bright enough to give you a tad bit of sweetness to help cut the salt/fat. It’s like a BBQ sauce that uses Dr. Pepper or a meat glaze that uses brown sugar…the mustard helps bring back a BBQ-like savoriness to the chicken and the whole thing just WORKS.
REALLY really good. I loved this sandwich and would get it again. The Body Bag was just indulgent, but this? This actually hit all the pleasure areas in my brain. Rebuy, no question. I’m still thinking about it.
PURCHASED AT: Hoagie Haven, Princeton, NJ