Review: CRUNCHKINS!; The Nosh Show 75: Fail Factor; March Madness Update; It’s Opening Day! So Why the Eff Is It So Cold Out??

JFG NATION! BASEBALL OPENING DAY IS FINALLY HERE! That means I owe you a MLB predictions post – 12000 words of pure rambling goodness! I’ll hit that this week sometime. Actually, the MLB season opened up with three games yesterday. I had the privilege of text/web chatting with a bunch of Mets fans who were cursing at the TV all evening. “I can’t stand the Royals” was a common theme.

On a sidenote, WHY THE HELL IS IT SO COLD OUT. Yes, I know, global warming, El Nino, erratic weather patterns – but here in DC, it was JUST 75 degrees out, and I was hoping to enter this baseball season with the sun on my face and a light beer in hand. Instead, this morning here in DC, I woke up to the sun on my face and my frozen breath pumping out of my body. Goddamnit. How am I supposed to rep my team when I have to wear several layers in addition to my team colors??? I feel like a little kid going trick-or-treating with his winter coat on.

At least I’m not in Upstate NY where I grew up…they woke up this weekend to eight more inches of snow. Yikes.

Next, an update on the JFG March Madness pool – It all comes down to tonight’s game! Villanova vs. UNC, like we all predicted. So many questions. Will Jay Wright not choke this away? Will Roy Williams be wearing a Carolina blue tie? Will the ghosts of Kerry Kittles and Scottie Reynolds haunt Villanova? Will the real Marcus Paige stand up? Are they really playing this game in the Houston Texans’ arena?? I feel like I’m living in a bizzaro world.

In the pool, it all comes down to Jessica vs. Pam. If UNC wins, Jessica takes home the pot. If Villanova wins, Pam wins (which is especially sweet, because she is the only person in the pool to have chosen Villanova as the overall champ! You must’ve gone there, Pam). We shall see!

How have you felt about this tournament? Me? Like every year, I’m exhausted by this point. I’m still confused how UNI blew that game.


For you new arrivals, The Nosh Show is a podcast started by Marvo from The Impulsive Buy, featuring Ryan from GrubGrade, Dubba from On Second Scoop, and, of course, me, your friendly neighborhood JFG. And today marks the release of The Nosh Show, Episode 75: Fail Factor!

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This week, they “we discuss Burger King’s Angriest Whopper, Sriracha Triscuit, Red Robin’s Ramen Burger, DQ’s Oreo S’mores Blizzard, and more.” You can listen embedded here:

You can subscribe to The Nosh Show using various services: iTunesStitcherTuneInRSS.

Today’s junk food: Crunchkins!!

Crunchkins: The Money Shot

Crunchkins: The Money Shot

Crunchkins! What are they? From the look of the bag, they sort of look like Whoppers. “Dessert Flavored Poppers With a Crunchy Center.” Yeah, that explained nothing. I saw these over on The Impulsive Buy and the gang discussed them on the Nosh Show…but I was only able to track these down in an endcap at a random Walmart…on the bottom shelf. And there were only like three packages left. I guess they didn’t pay for shelf space.


Crunchkins come in three flavors: Birthday Cake, Fudge Brownie, and Glazed Donut. It’s an interesting concept, really. With so many other brands doing Birthday Cake and Fudge Brownie-flavored items, why NOT make a candy that does the same? Plus, throwing in Glazed Donut is smart. I haven’t seen many “donut” flavored things…Donut Oreos next, anyone? Who the heck thought of this?


BAZOOKA BRAND??? Bazooka makes Crunchkins??? Holy eff. I haven’t thought of Bazooka brand Bubble Gum in, like, DECADES. Two decades? Maybe more. WOW. Bazooka. Going for the long play, huh? Way to stay under the radar. I expect there to be a comic strip inside of this bag.



I took two photos of the nutritional and ingredient info because this Crunchkins bag was so floppy. Hopefully you can read all about how these contain raisin juice concentrate. Not sure where that goes, but oh well.


When I opened this pack of Crunchkins, I have to be honest – all I could smell was brownie aroma. So whatever these other ones smelled like, they were overwhelmed by the chocolate smell of the Fudge Brownie Crunchkins. Still, they looked puuuuurdy – white with confetti speckles, brown with a few black flecks, and “donut” colored candy pieces? Orange? I dunno.


Here’s the biggest revelation – like the M&M Malt Eggs, these were NOT like Whoppers. As you can see above, these were a thick coating of confection around a crispy rice center. Sort of a disappointment in a sense – I was hopping for that Whopper-like malt pop. But no.

The Birthday Cake Crunchkins tasted spot on for birthday cake frosting as I chewed it…it also had a interesting almond extract tinge as well. The favor reminded me a lot of the type of cake frosting you get on your grocery store cakes – super sugary and super processed. It was like eating that food colored-ripple on the edge of your Stop-n-Shop birthday cake. Birthday Cake is a good name for this, but really, these could just be called “Cake Frosting.” Decent crunch.


These Fudge Brownie Crunchkins were NOT as spot on. I mean they tasted super chocolate-y, and super-fudge-y, but that was about it. If I stretched my mind, sure I could taste a brownie in there somewhere. But you could’ve also have called this “chocolate cake” or something similar, and I would’ve been all in. It actually lacked that deeper chocolate almost cake-y slight bitterness that brownies have, so there were only about 60% accurate, IMO.


Finally, the Glazed Donut Crunchkins were my favorite. Popping these into my mouth, I crunched and crunched and for a tiny second, I couldn’t figure out what I was tasting…then I realized. These tasted EXACTLY like TastyKake or Hostess Powdered Mini Donuts. That distinct sugary coating was there through and through! Sure I could envision it being the same flavor as normal donut glaze, but the donut-y taste UNDERNEATH the glaze flavor was all processed donut taste. These were pretty cool! Thumbs up for this flavor.

All in all, VERY interesting. Not my favorite candy in the world, and I wouldn’t go out of my way to buy them again, but if they were around I’d certainly EAT them again. The flavors were GENERALLY successful, and anyone looking for a different take on a rice-crispy-confection-chocolate-candy should definitely try these. Nice work, Bazooka – I applaud this re-entry into the game.

PURCHASED AT: Walmart, Germantown, MD

COST: $1.38

Thoughts? Please comment below or hit me up on Twitter @junkfoodguy or LIKE my Facebook Page and message me there. I also have Google+!! Let’s hang out.


Junk Food Guy

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Discuss - 3 Comments

  1. Jessica says:

    Like everybody else my age that didn’t have a local team growing up, I was born a Braves fan. I can’t stand the Mets.

    Am I the only one who plays free fantasy sports just to see and doesn’t really follow the tournament? (let’s just say this isn’t the only one…sorry to those of you who actually follow it and care ;-P

  2. Ryan says:

    After reading I had to wiki bazooka and saw they also make ring pops and push pops… Crazy

  3. camryn bee says:

    the glazed donut tasted like pumpkin to me

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