Review: Mrs. Freshley’s Reese’s Peanut Butter Swiss Rolls & Wait, What Is Happening to the World / Back to the Future Day Is About to Be the Past!
JFG Nation, lately I’ve been noticing that the world is changing in very distinct ways, such that future generations will no longer realize how things once were. Yes, I sound like a crotchety old man. And no, I’m not talking about MP3s versus cassette tapes, or texts versus typewriters. These changes are much MUCH more stark and shocking (to me, at least). Examples:
McDonald’s is now offering all-day breakfast: Sure, this move by McDonald’s to try and recapture lost profits may seem great, and it seems like customers are loving it (and WHY NOT GIMME HASH BROWNS ALL DAY LONG), but it means that from now on all jokes or comments or musings about making it to McDonald’s before 10:30am are moot and done. DONE. It means this scene from Falling Down will no longer make sense to future kids:
Playboy no longer having nude photos: Wait, WHAT!? Look, I get it – there is so much porn out there that Playboy isn’t the only game in town. With just one click you can see stuffed animals doing…disturbing things. But nude models…IS WHAT PLAYBOY IS. Think about this – in the future, kids will be like, “Oh, Playboy used to have nude women in their magazine? I read it now to get the best fantasy Blernsball advice around!” THE HORROR.
So, because the internet is porn central, Playboy is basically MAXIM or FHM now. And, in an interesting move, IT HAS WORKED: “After relaunch, Playboy said it saw a 258% jump in unique visitors. The average age of its readers went from 47 to just over 30, company executives said, and its Web traffic increased from 4 million to 16 million unique users per month, according to The New York Times.”
Really, Playboy? All that mattered to you was the money and the traffic, huh? I USED TO KNOW WHAT YOU STOOD FOR, HEF. Now, you’ve sold out…BOOOO. Now our kids will have to go somewhere else to ogle naked ladies (like Sports Illustrated. Seriously, I think the SI Swimsuit Issue and Playboy crossed each other on the nudity axis this past year. WHAT IS HAPPENING.)
The Cubs are in the MLB postseason: NOOOOOOO WHAAAAAAAT. Baseball USED to be real simple: The Yankees were the Evil Empire, the Red Sox always blew it, and the Cubs couldn’t sniff the postseason. Now, the Yankees are STILL evil, but the Dodgers spent more than them this year, the Red Sox have won the World Series three times in the last twelve years, and the Cubs are IN THE POSTSEASON. Future generations of sports fans won’t know ANYTHING about curses or postseason droughts anymore! (Oh wait, Cleveland still exists. Nevermind.)
Plus, as an aside, check out this sort-of-compelling-but-mostly-horrifying video of five competitive eaters taking down a goat to break the Cubs’ Billy Goat Curse:
Back to the Future Day IS HERE: Speaking of the Cubs in the postseason, let’s talk a little about Back to the Future II, ONE OF THE GREATEST MOVIES EVER MADE. In Back to the Future II, Marty McFly travelled to the future where people rode around on hoverboards and flying cars, had clothing that automatically dried and resized itself, had leashes that walked dogs for them, hydrated pizzas the size of cookies, and wore sneakers with power laces. POWER LACES, PEOPLE. It was so awesome watching this movie as a kid, imagining that someday, SOMEDAY, I would have all of these things.
Problem – Marty McFly traveled to October 21, 2015. THAT’S THIS WEDNESDAY. WHERE ARE MY POWER LACES?? You dropped the ball, Nike. Anyways, the movie that always represented “the future” to me will soon be OBSOLETE. Kids will now watch that movie and think “Huh….that was supposed to be the future? But that was ten years ago.” GAAAAAAAH.
I mean, I may be showing my age, but all of these changes is making my head swirl. What do you think, JFG Nation? Let me know in the comments below.
Yes, I know these Mrs. Freshley’s Reese’s Peanut Butter Swiss Rolls are NOT new but I have been searching for them for A VERY LONG TIME. About a year ago, I tweeted a photo of them after I spotted them in my local Safeway. I decided to pass on them at the time, but everyone was excited about these Swiss Rolls, so I went back to the store a few days later with the full intention of reviewing them. BUT THEY WERE NOWHERE TO BE FOUND.
Over the next year, I searched and STILL COULD NOT FIND THESE…until now. I spotted them at a random gift shop, and nearly squealed like a five year old. My hands were full at the time, so I decided AGAIN not to buy them, and then, a few days later when I went back, THEY WERE GONE AGAIN. I was like, HOLY EFF WHAT HAVE I DONE???
Luckily, they came back. I grabbed them and ran.
Mrs. Freshley’s Reese’s Peanut Butter Swiss Rolls have…WHOA, 360 calories for two cakes??? A Twinkie has 135 calories per cake, but these have a nice fat 180 calories per roll. This package of cakes has more calories than two cans of soda. WOW.
Mrs. Freshley’s Reese’s Peanut Butter Swiss Rolls also have more ingredients than I care to discuss….
…dude, it spills onto the wraparound of the wrapper??? WHAT IS IN THESE?
Whatever. Who cares if these contain more chemicals than the actual number of elements in the Periodic Table of Elements. I wanted to bite into these Mrs. Freshley’s Reese’s Peanut Butter Swiss Rolls. And look – they are pretty! They smelled like…well, fake chocolate. Not a ton of peanut butter aroma. Hm.
Opening up one of these Mrs. Freshley’s Reese’s Peanut Butter Swiss Rolls, I was struck by the curl of “Reese’s Peanut Butter” creme inside. I put my nose right up to it and…you know, this STILL didn’t smell much like peanut butter, much less like a Reese’s. Red flags going up everywhere. Oh no. I know where this is going.
I bit into one of these Mrs. Freshley’s Reese’s Peanut Butter Swiss Rolls. Like Swiss Rolls I’d had in the past, the outer shell was sort of plasticky, and the inner cake was super soft and creamy. Texture wise, it wasn’t horrible. But flavor wise? Well…this wasn’t super sweet right away. In fact, I’m not quite sure what flavor I got right away. It wasn’t chocolate, per se…..the more I chewed, the most distinct initial flavor I got was a slight salty peanut butter-y flavor.
But it wasn’t a Reese’s flavor. And it wasn’t a Reese’s texture – the soft creme didn’t feel like peanut butter at all. It was a slightly peanut-butter-flavored creme, fluffy and soft (fluffier than any Jif Whips). Because the creme was muted and salty, and not super sweet like the standard Swiss Roll white creme, the net flavor actually was that these tasted like a NOT-SWEET Swiss Roll. The Junk Food Gal tried it, and immediately blurted, “These are NOT good.” This Swiss Roll wasn’t able to even capture the most basic chocolate-peanut-butter flavor. No, these tasted like a not sweet chocolate cake, with a bit of salty peanut butter creme mixed in. Yeeeeg.
Ugh, what a disappointment. I was searching for this all this time? Huh. Yeah, so I wasn’t a fan – but if YOU’VE had this before, let me know in the comments below!
Junk Food Guy