Review (x3): Oreo Thins! (Original, Golden, Mint) & USWNT HAS THREE STARS EAT IT JAPAN

JFG Nation, I will admit I am a fairweather soccer fan. I am one of those people who doesn’t watch Champions League or Premier League, doesn’t watch MLS, doesn’t watch La Liga, and most of the time misses international friendlies that are broadcast on ESPN the Ocho, but whenever World Cups or Olympics come around, I am ALL IN. So what? Don’t judge me! MOST OF YOU ARE THE SAME SUCKS TO YOUR ASSMAR

Obviously, when teams representing countries play each other in soccer, the national pride begins to swell and, to me, these games are must watch TV. Like so many Americans last night, I watched our amazing US Women’s National Team take back the World Cup after 16 years and avenge their 2011 loss to Japan with a 5-2 asskicking over the Land of the Rising Sun. Between the JFGal screaming at the TV, me wondering who the heck Kate Abdo is, and the constant stream of snacks I was putting into my body, it’s no wonder that the night was a sickening blur…in the best possible way.

I remember hearing an interview with Abby Wambach after the 2011 loss, and she said something to the effect that things were lined up in 2011 – sports leagues, endorsements, late show appearances. When they lost, everything disappeared. DISAPPEARED. Women’s professional soccer, in its like 4th or 5th iteration, still exists in the US, but I, like many others, knew that it could have been EVEN BIGGER had 2011 gone the US’s way. Do you know that the average salary for professional women’s soccer players RIGHT NOW is $6000-30,000 dollars??? Dude, I earned more as a clerk right out of law school, AND I DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO DO ANYTHING.

Now? There’s no way Carli Lloyd doesn’t get three-five more endorsements. You’re gonna see this team on Kimmel, Fallon, Ellen. Hell, if UnderArmour was smart, they’d give contracts to everyone on the team. And I for one, think its GREAT. IT’S GREAT. I don’t care if you don’t like soccer, the World Cup, or women for that matter – I DO. AND THE US WOMEN’S TEAM WINNING IS SO GREAT. And I’ll tell you why: Because some day, when I have a daughter, I want her to have even more heroes to aspire to be like. I’ll take Megan Rapinoe over Kim Kardashian every day of the week. FACE.

Anyways, thats my soapbox. Did anyone else watch it? Let me know in the comments below.

Today’s junk food: Oreo Thins!!

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Oreo sent me the above box. It was a beautiful box. When I flipped open the lid, on the inside was this:

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Oreo Thins??? But who doesn’t love big fat Oreos? Who doesn’t love DOUBLE STUFF Oreos? Oreo, you made THREE LAYER Oreos in an attempt to fatten us up, and now you’re pulling this??? WHAT GIVES?

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Oreo Thins are a thinner, crispier take on the classic. “[T]ry Thins with…even a glass of wine.” AND NOW YOU WANT ME TO DRINK MORE OREO?? EVIL!!!!

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I opened up the box, and there were three flavors of Oreo Thins to try: Original, Golden, and Mint! Here’s the official spiel; everything you need to know:

“We’re excited to announce that this July, OREO is launching OREO Thins, a light, crisp and delicate cookie that delivers on the OREO taste you already know and love. With a nod to cues we see in culture and technology, OREO Thins (7.5mm thick) put a sleek and modern spin on the classic base cookie (12.5mm thick).

“OREO Thins will be a permanent, ongoing offering, available nationwide beginning Monday, July 13 in the Original, Golden and Mint flavors at an SRP of $4.59. With a completely different look, feel and format to compliment the same flavor we know and love, OREO Thins pair well with an afternoon latte, cup of tea or other “me time” moment for a more grown-up treat.”

“…your readers/viewers can also receive an advanced taste before the cookies hit shelves, starting July 7. On the 7th, OREO will distribute a one-time-only “Thinvitation” to its fans via @Oreo on social media (will clarify specific platforms with you soon) and fans who post using #oreothins will be #thinvited to access a unique code that can be used to enter for a chance to get a free taste of OREO Thins.”

Did you catch that last part, JFG Nation? Tweet with hashtag #oreothins and you could win a free taste! Of course, by the time they mail it to you, you’ll prob be able to find them on the shelves, so….

Oreo Thins: The Money Shot

Oreo Thins: The Money Shot

OOOOOOO Oreo Thins – pretty packaging!

Also, Oreo wanted me to mention that these are NOT diet cookies, nor are they being marketed as a “health” cookie. SO SORRY HEALTHY PEOPLE. More spiel: “OREO Thins are for anyone looking for that classic OREO taste but in a format that delivers a more grown-up snacking experience thanks to their thin, crisp and delicate taste and texture.”

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Considering that normal Oreos are about 70 calories each, these Oreo Thins are basically half the thickness and also essentially half the calories per cookie. But none of that matters when you eat 18 of them in a row.

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I opened up these Oreo Thins and….ooooooo, lots of breakage. Uh, ok. Well, I guess when the cookies are super thin, you ARE gonna lose some structural integrity. Let’s zoom in:

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The Original variety of Oreo Thins looked like an earthquake hit them. Popping one into my mouth, I really enjoyed it, however! Super thin, these were indeed a delicate version of Oreo – same great cookies n creme flavor, just with a little more of a “cookie chip” feel. And, despite everything being essentially half size (the layer of creme and the cookie thickness), these were sort of …less sweet. Which I liked.

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Golden Oreo Thins also had lots of broken pieces, but most held up ok. The JFGal LOVED these – Golden Oreos, I feel, are usually sweeter than regular Oreos because the Golden cookie is sweet unlike the darker cookie which can come off as a little bitter. In the thin form, everything seemed to balance just right – less cookie sweetness, less creme, which led to a more balanced cookie overall. SERIOUSLY munchable.

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Mint Oreo Thins survived the best, structurally. They were also pretty tasty – their mint flavor was still pretty bold. Of the three cookies, these probably tasted the most like their thicker counterparts. In fact, the mint flavor was almost stronger with these, with less cookie getting in the way. Pretty tasty.

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Oreo Thins were so thin, that you couldn’t even see the creme from the side unless you were FLUSH with the cookie itself.

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I stacked three quarters….the Oreo Thins were just a LITTLE thicker than the stack. These were really thin – cookie chip is a good comparison, but they weren’t SUPER crispy like other cookie chips I’ve eaten. These were just more crispy by virtue of the thinness itself.

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These Oreo Thins still had a decent amount of creme, I swear! These weren’t all cookie. One thing: Harder to twist on of the cookie layers off (as you can see, I basically shattered the mint one when I tried to unscrew it). But I wanted you all to see the creme coverage was still generous.

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I placed two creme halves of these Oreo Thins together – it was normal Oreo creme thickness!

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This was my attempt at innovation – one half Golden Oreo Thin, one half Mint Oreo Thin half. Meh – it was fine. Never let me experiment with cookies, ever again.

My overall take: I was pretty skeptical at first, but I have to admit I really enjoyed these Oreo Thins! Nothing new flavor-wise, but the thinner form made these ever more munchable than I ever imagined. Seriously – I chomp on Oreos, but honestly, unless I’m being a TOTAL pig, I slow down after three or four because they are kind of bulky/crunchy. With these? They are so thin and crispy I could mow through rows and rows of these, EASY. There’s a reason I can eat potato chips non-stop for an hour straight…the thin crisps get chewed up and slide down my gullet like there’s barely any food in my mouth. And these cookies now have a similar feel! These are DANGEROUS, Oreo. You’ve managed to make Oreos even easier for me to eat too many of.

And I love you for it.

PURCHASED AT: Available everywhere July 13!

COST:I guess we’ll see.

Thoughts? Please comment below or hit me up on Twitter @junkfoodguy or LIKE my Facebook Page and message me there. I also have Google+!! Let’s hang out.

Sincerely,

Junk Food Guy

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Discuss - 21 Comments

  1. Jessica says:

    MOST athletes, male or female, don’t make a whole lot of money. It’s a pride thing.

    I think the purpose of these is lost on me. Granted I’m an Oreo addict, but I just don’t get it.

  2. Alek says:

    I got a idea! Why not a swirled crème? They haven’t yet attempted a swirled cream. Have a vanilla and a chocolate wafer together with swirled cream. That way can have both easily. They do have “head or tails” oreos but crème is same.

  3. Steve B. says:

    Have you seen the Spanish commentary version of Lloyd’s third goal? Awesome.

    http://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2015/7/5/8899519/carli-lloyd-midfield-goal-uswnt-world-cup-spanish-commentary

  4. Devin H. says:

    They kinda had me until that price. There’s no way I’m paying nearly double the price of a regular package of Oreo cookies for these. They also picked some pretty boring flavors for this initial batch (pretty much anything would have been better than mint). It would have been cool if they launched them with an exclusive flavor that hasn’t even been released as a normal Oreo flavor yet to give people more of an incentive to try them.

  5. Lindemann says:

    I’m totally cool with being a bandwagon jingoistic soccer fan. I feel no shame whatsoever. I don’t have time for any new interests at this juncture, so appealing to my patriotism interest is probably the best way to get me to pay attention to a sport with which I am otherwise unfamiliar.

    One thing that always irks me about soccer is how normal red-blooded Americans suddenly start using British grammar when talking about it, because I guess lots of British people talk about soccer. “Japan are struggling” my ass. Singular verb conjugation for a collective plural noun! U-S-A! U-S-A!

  6. MP says:

    What about a MEGA Oreo – that’s like the size of a tire! Or…what about mega creme Oreo where the creme is the entire length of the package??
    Yeah these things look like they’ll fall part after repeated uses. Hello ice cream topping!

    • Alek says:

      They do have mega stuf oreos. Why not they sell the crème itself without the cookies itself. Market it as “oreo crème frosting”

    • junkfoodguy says:

      @MP: LOL, topping as long as the package. You have me cracking up

    • jwoolman says:

      Alek- a few weeks ago, I saw a package of Oreo creme being peddled in the bakery department. Did you get your commission check yet?

  7. Kaitlyn says:

    but you didn’t try dipping them in milk! wonder if they’d just fall right apart because they are so thin?

  8. Marc P says:

    Is that oreo box one of those funky paitings that if you stare at too long, you start getting seizures?

    I just couldnt get into the World Cup this time, not sure why, but feel GREAT about them bringing the trophy home. Saw some of the interviews and seem like really good people.

  9. Surfer Sandman says:

    I cannot wait to tweet this hashtag tomorrow! I want to try these!

  10. Sarah says:

    Yes, great for USA!….but let’s not forget about Chile taking the copa this weekend too! Huge win for them! The best part was an Irish announcer was calling the game and said….”and he’s off like a prom dress on prom night!”

  11. Kahnfucius says:

    But would you take Hope Solo over Kim Kardashian as a female hero?

  12. Stuf Addict says:

    Now we need thin Oreo cookies with Mega Stuf in the middle. More Stuf, less cookie is the ultimate Oreo!!!

  13. Sophia says:

    “…OREO Thins pair well with an afternoon latte, cup of tea or other “me time” moment for a more grown-up treat.”
    Are they trying to replace the Milano??

  14. jwoolman says:

    The Oreo thins were actually developed in China in response to the Chinese snack market, which apparently prefers lighter snacks. Then the U.S. branch realized this might be attractive to consumers here and elsewhere. The Chinese food engineers had to retool in order to make them and fiddled with the recipe to get around the easy breakage problem, which they obviously did by the time I saw them in my local store. I didn’t see any breakage. Your package must have had an unusually rough ride. I think they actually taste better than original Oreos, maybe the thickness of the cookie gets in the way. So less creme filling but more taste comes through. They need to bring down the price, though, maybe once they get back investment in new equipment they will be more willing especially once they realize how many cheapskates hesitate to buy it for that reason. I got mine on sale.

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