Review: Hostess Banana Split Twinkies & When Do YOU Shower: Morning vs. Night

Junk Food Nation, it’s summer here in DC after only two weeks of Spring here in DC. Sweltering weather, WELCOME. I didn’t realize we all agreed to sweat from now on for the next four months. Oh what’s that? It’s happening? You voted on it, revised it, and voted again? And it’s official? My shirts are gonna be soaked from the moment I step out of the door? Oh ok, cool. Thanks for the memo.

Anyways, this begs the question: WHEN DO YOU TYPICALLY TAKE SHOWERS? And I’m gonna give you only two options – in the morning or at night. (None of this mid-day shower BS, YES YES WE ALL GET IT you have SUCH a wonderful gym you get to scoot to at lunch time to get your squats in. YES GOLDS GYM LIFETIME FITNESS AVEDA SPA IS THE BEST BLAH BLAH BLAH. No.) So yes – morning or night?

Me? I’m a NIGHT guy. In the morning, I douse my hair to loosen it up and pomade the heck out of it. Then during the day I get gross, sweaty, tired, etc. After a beer and a workout, where I proceed to get more sweaty, I wash the entire day away and put on my Buffalo Bills PJs. YEAH THAT’S RIGHT BILLS PJS WANNA FIGHT.

For me, I can’t imagine putting my dirty ass head on my pillow each night. But a buddy of mine – he’s a morning-shower-kind-of-guy. He gets up, showers to wake up, and then goes about his day. And at night, he washes his face and hops right into bed. I once saw him come home from a LONG ALL DAY outdoor event and wash his face, and hop right into bed. My mind spun. I didn’t get it. We were, like, hiking around and sh*t. No shower after that? Nothing? Remind me not to smell your pillowcase.

But maybe I’m wrong – some people can’t function unless they get doused with water at 6 AM. And I’m of course excluding being drunk – I’ve woken up plenty of times where I’m wearing no clothes except for a belt and one shoe under the covers, hugging a cushion from my couch. How’d that get here? And why didn’t I take a shower?

(Actually, these days, if I stumble home drunk, I feel like I STILL need to take a shower to help wash away the shame of the evening.)

So I put it to you, Junk Food Nation – night or morning showers? And none of this “Oh I shower 2x a day always” BECAUSE YOU DON’T. Let me know in the comments below.

Today’s junk food: Hostess Banana Split Twinkies!!

Hostess Banana Split Twinkies: The Money Shot

Hostess Banana Split Twinkies: The Money Shot

Oh Hostess. What have you done? You slapped a Minion on the box and expect me to buy these Hostess Banana Split Twinkies? Well, you were right. Damn you.


Hostess Banana Split Twinkies are cake, banana creme, topped with strawberry jam, and covered in chocolate. I’m torn on how I feel about these:


On one hand, I really enjoyed your Twinkies with banana creme. On the other hand your Chocodiles, generally, are not…..not good. Which side will prevail here with these Hostess Banana Split Twinkies?



A lot going on here with these Hostess Banana Split Twinkies. Beef tallow. Strawberry puree. And agar? MM MM MMMMM.


Opening one of these Hostess Banana Split Twinkies, they looked better than the Chocodiles I’d had in the past – the Twinkie was more fully formed and ….wait, what is that?


What the heck is that weird ribbon/square bumps pattern on the top of the Hostess Banana Split Twinkies?


Apparently, that was the ribbon of jelly on top of these Hostess Banana Split Twinkies! When I peeled back the chocolate layers, the “ribbon” of “jam” was narrow and SUPER thin – there wasn’t much jelly in these at all!

I took a bite – and I must say, the expected flavor was there. This didn’t set off any fireworks, but it gave me what I wanted. It was a nice soft Twinkie with the same surprisingly-enjoyable-banana creme inside. The chocolate coating, artificial as it may be, mixed well with the banana flavor. And then the jelly added a slight bit of strawberry burst here and there. Balance was decent – there basically wasn’t too much of any flavor…if I had to choose a flavor that seemed to stand out the most, it would actually be the banana, which is the one part I enjoyed. In a lot of ways, this DID taste like a banana split!

Overall, I probably wouldn’t buy these again. While the flavors mixed nicely, I’d still choose normal banana creme Twinkies over these. I just don’t dig the outer chocolate layer and its fakeness. While these tasted decent, and the cake was spot on Twinkie, that chocolate left a waxy flavor in my mouth that I still don’t love.

Hostess, I love ya. Use better chocolate ….please.

PURCHASED AT: Target, Laurel, MD

COST: $3.00 on sale

Thoughts? Please comment below or hit me up on Twitter @junkfoodguy or LIKE my Facebook Page and message me there. I also have Google+!! Let’s hang out.


Junk Food Guy

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Discuss - 20 Comments

  1. Jessica says:

    Realize I’m the weirdo who works at night, but when I’m off I still shower at night to save my hair from the blow dryer. Otherwise…I have to shower in the morning (well, usually mid day but that’s not an option).

    Asking for better chocolate might be a little much to ask out of a barely revived company.

  2. Alek says:

    The eff is beef tallow?

    • Pimousse says:

      Beef fat. Yum.

    • MP says:

      @ Alek – “Tallow is a rendered form of beef or mutton fat, processed from suet”. McDonald’s used to cook their fries in this & it was what made them so awesome. But it was phased out by 1990, because it was “extremely unhealthy & full of cholesterol” or something. It’s awesome to cook with!

  3. Anne Sutton says:

    When I was a teenager I HAD to shower in the morning…and the whole routine of primping to get ready. Now, as an adult, I only shower at night. Basically, your reasoning is on spot with me. I want to wash away the day. I have three kids…oh Calgon…take me away lol

  4. Pimousse says:

    Definitely a night person. Very rarely do I shower in the morning, unless there is a fancy party where I need to look AND smell nice. Although, a few times in the summer on super humid days, I will shower in the morning to wash away the “ick” feeling I get overnight.

  5. marianne says:

    These don’t even sound appealing. What with all the artificial flavors proclaimed on the front of the box. And beef fat.

    I take a very fast rinse/shower in the morning. But its so hot and humid all year here in Florida that I feel justified. Then at night I take my long, hair washing/shaving/facial scrubbing shower. Your friend is gross. His sheets must be awful. I hope he finds a nice (hygienic) woman who sets him straight on acceptable cleanliness!

  6. Marc P says:

    The concept I thought would have been a hit but those look and sound horrid. what the frik are those bumps, it looks like these things come with late stage tumors?

    Always shower in the AM, roll out of bed and use the gym shower at work to beat the commute.

  7. Darrell Martinsen says:

    I wonder if spreading some additional strawberry jam on top would help these along?
    I agree with you on the odd textured chocolate, however it does seem a little smoother than the break-in-100-pieces reformulated Chocodiles.

  8. Jeni says:

    On my regular schedule, I’m a morning shower person. If I’ve been outside or doing something hot and sweaty I’ll shower at night, too, but oily hair/skin make the morning routine essential.

  9. Mike N. says:

    Depends on who I’m showering with. (or with whom I’m showering, if you prefer.)

  10. p-- says:

    Night, always. I work out to much to even consider skipping.

  11. Radium says:

    I shower in the morning. I’m not even human until I’ve washed my hair.

    What are your policies on reader-submitted junk food? I’d like to send you some of my faves; no pressure though.

  12. Radium says:

    Jelly Belly Sours!

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