Review: New Starburst Superfruit & 1000th Post! (I Think), Other Quick Stories (Pizza, Cancelling Tickets, Arod, Invisible Girlfriend)
GOOD MORNING, Junk Food Nation! According to my WordPress portal that I still barely understand, I have 999 posts published, which makes today my 1000TH POST! WOOOOOO! BREAK OUT THE CHAMPAGNE AND SALT AND VINEGAR POTATO CHIPS! No, seriously, break ‘em out. Have you ever paired those two things? MAGICAL.
In all seriousness, it’s mind boggling to me that I’ve had something to say on 1000 different days over the past 3.5 years of this blog. It’s MORE amazing to me that you guys actually read this blog and haven’t abandoned me yet. You guys must really love Oreos or something. But thank you for sticking around, JFNation. Let’s get to some quick stories:
1. It never fails – as SOON as I announce that my New Year’s Resolution this year is to eat more pizza, scientists name pizza as one of the main causes of childhood obesity. Well, crap. Reading deeper, the article is more about bad parenting and the study goes on to say that on days when pizza is eaten, it comprises anywhere from 22%-26% of the day’s calories. Now, is it just me, or does that percentage completely bizarre? Look, I’m not trying to be a pig here, but when I was teen eating pizza, I could polish off…7-8 slices? Let’s say that’s an average of ~2600 calories. If THAT is 26% of your daily calories, and your kid is eating 10,000 calories a day??????? Well, then maybe the study’s focus on bad parenting is correct…feed you kids a piece of fruit, once in a while, you animals. One isn’t meant to subsist on cane syrup and bacon lard alone.
2. One story I caught relating to this weekend’s surprise upset of the Packers by the Seahawks was this woman who, with three minutes left in the game, gave up on the possibility of the Seahawks making the Super Bowl and cancelled her pre-purchased tickets to Arizona via her cellphone. Then, one minute later, after Marshawn Lynch made a big play, she rebooked her flight, for $40 more, via her cellphone. The article notes that the lesson was “Never lose faith until the final whistle.” Um, that is NOT the lesson. The moral of this story was that she’s a maniac who makes knee jerk decisions frequently and should be avoided at all costs. You can’t even WAIT until you get home in front of a computer before you cancel your flight? Maybe read the penalty policy, or take a poop and chill out after the game? No? You have to load your Kayak app immediately after a shaky play in the secondary and reverse course? Do me a favor – avoid her on the flight to Arizona. She might feel a rattle, assume the plane isn’t going to make it, and jump out the emergency exit.
3. Of all the people Alex Rodriguez could be training with in the offseason…Barry Bonds? I’m gonna leave this story right here.
4. As noted to me by my friend Rob, now you can create and Invisible Girlfriend or Invisible Boyfriend via this service. For $25 you get 100 text messages, 10 voice mails, one handwritten note, all sent to you. Apparently, the creator made this “when he was going through a divorce and was sick of people bugging him about whether he had met someone new.” So, naturally, rather than address those concerns head on, HE CREATED A FAKE SIGNIFICANT OTHER FOR HIMSELF! YAY DENIAL!
Seriously, though, WTF. Paying to get catfished? This is a thing now?
What do you think of any of the stories above? Let me know in the comments below.
Today’s junk food: New Starburst Superfruit!
I first spotted this New Starburst Superfruit over on The Impulsive Buy, and my first thought was “Superfruit? Really?” In my every day life, I actually love superfruits, and I do have a semi-belief in the extra anti-oxidants, elixir of life, mana – whatever it is they provide. But…this is candy. You can’t have superfruits in CANDY…can you?
New Starburst Superfruit uses pomegranate, passionfruit, acai, and…starfruit? Wait, STARFRUIT? This thing? Starfruit is a superfruit?? Since when. Really?
Hmmmm…..I don’t think there are any health benefits to these New Starburst Superfruit…
Pretty wrappers. Let’s get to the reviews of these New Starburst Superfruit:
PASSIONFRUIT PUNCH: I began by sucking on this one, and while I did get a heavy general Fruit Punch flavor, I was able to pick out a faint taste of familiar passionfruit. It was hidden pretty well since the tang of the fruit punch blanketed everything, but on the edges and on the back of my tongue was a TINY bit of passionfruit. Certainly not enough to make me taste it immediately. Overall, this one tasted like fruit punch…as I chewed, I got a little bit of passionfruit here and there. Lost opportunity with this one – Starburst should’ve punched the passionfruit up a bit. Tasted good, but could’ve been much much more.
RASPBERRY POMEGRANATE: The easiest flavor to eat, I think, was this one. As soon as I put the candy into my mouth, the flavor of the raspberry (artificial as it was) came through. Then, as I sucked on the candy more, the backend is where the flavor of the more tart and more cran-like pomegranate juice came out. The aftertaste, to me, was more pom than raspberry. The pairing went really well together, as I could trick myself into tasting one over the other. Really good – but honestly, not that hard to pull off.
STRAWBERRY STARFRUIT: Admission – I have no idea what starfruit is supposed to taste like. I’ve EATEN starfruit before, but not in a long while, and I don’t remember what it tasted like. So, when I eat this, this tastes just like your normal strawberry Starburst…a little creamy. So…yeah. Since I imagine many people have no idea what starfruit tastes like, so this review is unhelpful anyways. Moving on.
BLUEBERRY ACAI: A common pairing of two fruits. I’ve had acai before in drinks, so I have an idea of what it tastes like as compared to a blueberry. Still, I’ve never, like, munched on a acai berry alone though. Still, whenever I’ve had them in drinks or smoothies, the strange tartness and weird bite of acai was noticeable. In this candy, I sucked and sucked, and didn’t quite get the same bite. I did taste what I thought was acai, however. It paired well against the milder, almost blueberry-yogurt-like flavor of the blueberry. Together…not bad.
All in all, these Starburst Superfruit weren’t bad – very sugary, and very tasty – but I don’t think the superfruit flavor distinguished itself enough to warrant a re-buy from me. I felt the same about these as regular Starburst.
PURCHASED AT: Target, Germantown, MD
COST: $2.00 on sale
Junk Food Guy