Review: Dove Milk Chocolate & Red Velvet Swirl & I Am ALL-IN on Turning Human Waste Into Drinking Water + Electricity

Junk Food Nation, I saw this story trending on Facebook, and wanted to see what you thought. Bill Gates, the uber-rich founder of Microsoft, has been funneling his money into fighting world problems for some time now through his Gates Foundation. And while I’m an Apple guy myself, I have to say I’ve always been very impressed with the things the Gates Foundation has helped fund – the Khan Academy, for example.

One of the Gates Foundation’s most recent projects is a machine that turns poo into drinkable water and electricity. Now, hang on, JFNation – don’t go losing your lunch yet. Check out this video:

Now look – I’m not saying that I’d be immediately bathing in this stuff, nor am I here declaring that I’d guzzle the water without hesitation. I’m sure if I was there I’d be looking at the glass with a raised eyebrow. BUT – if this machine IS as legit as it claims it is? WTF HOW IS THIS NOT AMAZING.

The machine turns sewer sludge into drinkable water, electricity that powers the machine itself and extra electricity for consumer use, and produces only ash?? I mean….simply awesome. It’d be like driving a car where the exhaust powers the car, the car produces chocolate, and the wiper fluid is fizzy lifting drink. Ok, it’s nothing like that. BUT YOU GET MY POINT. A self-powering machine that only produces good product with harmless waste? How? HOW???

Even if you don’t really care about these third world countries, you clearly understand it’s kind of a nightmare over in these countries sanitation-wise, and that breeds disease and sickness, which has world wide impact. I’m not saying this Omniprocessor will save the world but cool first step! SCIENCE!

What do you think? Tell me in the comments below. Plus, let’s be honest – do you REALLY know where Dasani comes from? Sorry, Dasani. But I don’t understand why you taste like metal ALL THE TIME.

Today’s junk food: Dove Milk Chocolate & Red Velvet Swirl!!

Dove Milk Chocolate & Red Velvet Swirl: The Money Shot

Dove Milk Chocolate & Red Velvet Swirl: The Money Shot

Dove has a ton of chocolate flavors, so toss this Milk Chocolate & Red Velvet Swirl on top of the pile. Dove has clearly hopped aboard this idea that Valentine’s Day = Red Velvet, which I STILL protest. Yet here I am, buying the damn chocolate.  GRRR.

Dove Milk Chocolate & Red Velvet Swirl

Red Velvet Cake is typically highlighted by a cocoa flavor and a cream cheese icing. I’m hoping Dove gets this right, although they do call themselves milk chocolate AND red velvet, so I’m guessing they aren’t trying to replicate the red velvet flavor entirely.

Dove Milk Chocolate & Red Velvet Swirl

Wait, these little rounded heart pieces are called PROMISES?  Did I miss this on the front of the package….oh yeah, there it is.  Woop. Silky Smooth Heart Promises. Dove is really pushing this CHOCOLATE SOOTHES ALL angle, huh?

Dove Milk Chocolate & Red Velvet Swirl

Dove Milk Chocolate & Red Velvet Swirl are each less than 40 calories a heart, which is so-so calories count wise.  Plus, if I eat 24 hearts, I have almost my daily value of total fat! HURRAY! I’M SURE THAT WILL LEAD TO ME HAVING A SILKY SMOOTH HEART.

Dove Milk Chocolate & Red Velvet Swirl

Dove Milk Chocolate & Red Velvet Swirl PROMISES come wrapped in both silver and maroon-ish foil. They do look purdy. When I opened and sniffed the bag itself, however…I got the strange smell of…graham cracker?  Totally random, and the Junk Food Gal agreed. Maybe my nostrils were off. Time to taste.

Dove Milk Chocolate & Red Velvet Swirl

Each Dove Milk Chocolate & Red Velvet Swirl heart looked nice, with swirls of brown and dark red on the surface. I popped one into my mouth and chewed. The first flavor I got was the milk chocolate and…wait, was that graham cracker taste? What the…I chewed and let the chocolate melt a little bit more in my mouth, and finally the red velvet flavor emerged.

Basically, the first taste I got was milk chocolate and the graham cracker flavor, as my brain adjusted, was actually a muted red velvet flavor with a bit of cream cheese icing taste.  It’s weird – the brain tastes what it wants to taste (reminds me of those old tests where people with their noses pinched couldn’t tell if they were biting into an apple or a potato). When I thought about seeking red velvet flavor, I was able to notice it.

The red velvet flavor wasn’t strong, but it was there enough to remind me of the flavor. Unlike other red velvet treats I’ve tried, this one was definitely muted – the milk chocolate was the first flavor tasted, and that’s probably why it is first in the name of the treat. Don’t go into this expecting red velvet flavor to burst in your mouth – you’ll be disappointed.

Nevertheless, these basically tasted pretty good, despite being nothing mindblowingly innovative. Just a tasty chocolate for those who like both chocolate and red velvet.

PURCHASED AT: Target, Germantown, MD

COST: $3.49

Thoughts? Please comment below or hit me up on Twitter @junkfoodguy or LIKE my Facebook Page and message me there. I also have Google+!! Let’s hang out.


Junk Food Guy

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Discuss - 14 Comments

  1. Jessica says:

    I don’t get why red velvet has to be seasonal period. It’s not in the south.

  2. Jeni says:

    I don’t understand red velvet flavored things. It’s just muted chocolate, cream cheese frosting, and the tang of too much red food coloring. So, to blend chocolate with it doesn’t seem like it would make much of a difference. Why not do “red velvet” swirled with a cream cheese/white chocolate? That would seem more authentic. (Although in the South red velvet cake is traditionally topped with a cooked frosting, not cream cheese, and pecans are always involved.)

  3. Chris B says:

    I have had the same hangup as Jeni. What’s more confusing is that not all Red Velvet cake, cupcakes, etc. are served with the cream cheese frosting. I’ve read elsewhere that buttercream is more traditionally what adds to the red velvet branding. That begs the question – what the hell is Red Velvet?

    Cocoa powder with red food coloring is all I’ve got. Sure does look pretty though.

  4. Marc P says:

    I find that idea fantastic in terms of what it can do for the environment. I am not very good at being “green” but this would be remarkable for third world countries as a start, no?

    These companies gotta chill with red velvet – why can’t S’mores be associated with Valentine’s day. I’d sign on for that.

  5. Heather says:

    Every time I see a product and think “Hmmm…I wonder if that’s good,” you do a review on it! First the Hostess Red Velvet Cupcakes and Sweet & Salty Combos and now these Dove Red Velvet Swirl Promises. You’re really on top of things, Junk Food Guy! By the way, you’re right. Dasani totally tastes like metal! It’s so horrible!

  6. Dr. Stanley Goodspeed says:

    How could anyone not like the Kahn Academy? Wait, how’s it spelled? No longer impressed.

  7. parowpyro says:

    red velvet ANYTHING & poo water…the two controversial cosumables of these times.

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