Review: Hershey’s Peppermint Bark Bells & Awkward Wednesdays: Ripped Pants

Junk Food Nation, it’s Wednesday. I’ve been knocked out of one of my two fantasy football leagues, and I’m bummed. One team left struggling in the quarterfinals. C’MON DONTE MONCRIEF CATCH SOMETHING THIS WEEK.


The RT contest yesterday was very successful! Today’s random winner is:

Jeni ([email protected]______)

Congrats, Jeni!! – email me your contact info to [email protected] and I’ll get the free coupon in the mail to you!


To win today, I’m doing something different. IT’S STORY TIME. First, let me tell me my story, and then I’ll get to how YOU can win.


So I’ve split more pants than I care to admit. I think like most dudes, if you have any muscle in your thigh area, your thighs rub together. A lot. Thinning out the pants in that key crotch-al area. And then, the next thing you know, you bend/squat to grab a sock and RIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP there go your pants.

My most recent pants splitting came while I was in court. And, worst of all, I didn’t even realize it. I had my (former) black suit on, and did everything I normally do – got my case files together, loaded them into my wheelie bag, slipped on my suit jacket, added my overcoat, and headed to court. Got to court, took off my overcoat, took out my files, talked to some witnesses, and sat down at counsel’s table to wait for the judge to appear.  And I’m sitting there, I notice something.  I can feel the fabric of the chair I’m sitting on under one of my legs.  “That’s weird,” I thought, reaching my hand slowly under the table to explore…AND OMG MY PANTS ARE SPLIT AND ONE OF MY BARE ASS THIGHS ARE JUST RESTING ON THE CHAIR ITSELF.  HOLY CRAP.

When did this happen?? I didn’t feel cold air outside while I was walking….Have my pants been split the ENTIRE TIME? Had my thighs rubbed together so much that my pants were like tissue paper, where even the slightest adjustment sent them unraveling? And how BAD was the split? I had no idea, and court was about to begin – no time to run off to the bathroom to analysis my situation. Needless to say, I conducted court as much as possible sitting down when the standing wasn’t necessary. As soon as court ended, I pulled on my overcoat (which went down to about knee level), got my sh*t together, and ran back to the office.

When I was finally able to analyze my pants in the bathroom, it was BAD.  Basically, imagine if someone had taken scissors, cut the pants right where the crotch was, and cut alllllllll the way down to where the back of your knee is. Holy smokes – it was BAD. Like I was wearing chaps. Luckily for me, the rip was on the inside, so in court, when I stood with my legs snapped together like I was a soldier standing at attention, no one could see anything. But wow – I can assure you I spent the rest of my day in my office, door closed. Awesome.

Back to how YOU can win: So that’s MY story, now I want to hear yours! Send me your most embarrassing ripped pants story to [email protected] and I’ll pick my FAVORITE one, publish it on the site FRIDAY, and send you a free Turkey Hill ice cream coupon!  So you have TWO DAYS people – get to storytelling and emailing!

TODAY’S JUNK FOOD: Hershey’s Peppermint Bark Bells!

Hershey's Peppermint Bark Bells

Hershey’s Peppermint Bark Bells: The Money Shot

Hershey’s Peppermint Bark Bells! These were reviewed on CandyBlog last year, but I never spotted them for myself until this year. I haven’t jumped at very much holiday themed confection this year, but these? These appeared to be worth my stomach space.

Hershey's Peppermint Bark Bells

Hershey’s Peppermint Bark Bells: 4 pieces = 190 cal

Hershey's Peppermint Bark Bells

Hershey’s Peppermint Bark Bells: RESINOUS GLAZE

Peppermint Bark is typically a confection made where peppermint-y white confection is layered on top of chocolate, cut into chunky pieces, and sprinkled with candy cane pieces. It’s awesome. Hershey’s Peppermint Bark Bells takes this concept and makes them into bell shapes…with sprinkles inside, instead of candy cane pieces? I dunno about this.

Hershey's Peppermint Bark Bells

Hershey’s Peppermint Bark Bells: SPIRALS

Hershey’s Peppermint Bark Bells have fun foil. When opened I could smell the faint smell of peppermint….time to munch.

Hershey's Peppermint Bark Bells

Hershey’s Peppermint Bark Bells: Hard to focus

It was sort of hard to photograph these Hershey’s Peppermint Bark Bells until I realized that the blurry sprinkles weren’t because of my camera but because they were blurry under the surface of the white confection.

After eating WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too many of these, I can say these are pretty damn good. The chocolate base is just that – eaten separately, there is no mint flavor, just good pure Hershey’s milk chocolate. The white confection top (not white chocolate) was very milky – sort of like those candy corn bars – and had a decent minty flavor injected into it. I’m not sure if the mint came more from the white confection itself or from the sprinkles, but the flavor of mint was well represented.

Overall, the combo was nicely balanced, and these bells were overall nice and sweet. In a lot of ways the resultant flavor reminded me of Andes Candies – nice chocolate minty melty stuff.

I loved these. Buy them. Buy them now.

PURCHASED AT: Target, Germantown, MD

COST: $3.00 on sale

Thoughts? Please comment below or hit me up on Twitter @junkfoodguy or LIKE my Facebook Page and message me there. I also have Google+!! Let’s hang out.


Junk Food Guy

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Discuss - 9 Comments

  1. MP says:

    I actually do have a ripped pants story. I was in 6th grade gym class, we were outside playing softball on the diamond. I was standing on 2nd base & I spread my legs & I heard a lot RIPPPPPP. I was wearing cotton black & neon shorts or “jams” as we called them back in the day. They were well worn & barely fit me. The gym teacher who was standing behind the pitcher’s mound probably heard me, I told him what happened & he let me go back to the lockerroom where I changed into my gray cotton gym shorts which I had in my cage. I ran back as fast as I could across the large field. I didn’t change into my gym shorts that day because I was already wearing shorts. I don’t know what I would had done if I didn’t have a 2nd pair. I’m just glad it happened in gym class that day & very few if anybody saw it.

  2. Marc P says:

    Depending on Moncreif. Ouch, might as well be depending on the great Zach Zudfeld.

    Sorry not to have a good pants story but just last week I was presenting on stage at a large company meetnig and was later notified by my wife that there was a gaping hole (thanks moths) in the wooll Polo sweater I was wearing. I’m a tool.

  3. alek says:

    I remember when I was in 12th grade visiting a college during their open house. I went to use the restroom I felt a splash in the urinal. My pants button fell in the urinal! I retrieved it with bare hands (I had to!) and desperately tried to fix the button. I came back at the lecture room sitting there trying to keep my pants on. When we were heading back to the van back to High School I held on my pants trying not make it look suspicious for others. Even worse I had a meeting with the principal (it was scheduled in advance) about a fundraiser. So I finally temporarily “fixed” the pants button and it held for 2 hours (the meeting was not that long about 10 minutes). Came home my mom finally fixed my pants button.

  4. Sarah says:

    I knew it was going to be hilarious when I read the words “wheelie bag.”

    Wheelies, do your dance…

    No pants ripping story, but my skirt did fall down on the street in Chicago while carrying a take and bake pizza from (the original) Pizzeria Uno.

  5. Sarah says:

    Wow….thank god it is winter and you had the coat! These bells sound amazing, a must have. My favorite Xmas candy are the nestle crunch bells….but these may top that!

  6. Carrie says:

    I know I am late, but I have a funny story to share…the summer I was 14 I spent at camp we were out hiking in a creek bed, hopping from rock to rock. I am with a bunch of girlfriends and Jerome, the guy I have a huge crush on. Wanting to show off, I say, “Hey, check this out!” and make a crazy leap to a mossy rock. I land hard, and my last years, well worn, rose print, denim jeans, split across the right arse cheek for EVERYONE to see, just like I had requested. We all laughed, but I wanted to die of embarrassment….Jerome went on to marry one of my friends and now I am the godmother to their children. Somethings work out how they are supposed to. ;O)

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