Review: Trader Joe’s Cookies & Creme Cookie Butter & Clowns With Machetes OH HELL NAH
Junk Food Nation, Happy Day after Columbus Day! And let’s talk about my living nightmare – apparently in the city of Bakersfield, some jokesters are running around at night carrying weapons…DRESSED AS CLOWNS.
Oh yes, you watched that correctly. Even the still-frame for the video above is freaking me the F out. If you’re one of these people dressed as a clown carrying a machete at night, KNOCK IT OFF. Look, I have enough anxiety with my job and trying to decide which Doritos to eat next; I do NOT need a clown with no eyes walking slowly down Main Street carrying a pistol. It’s all fun and games until I give you a swift kick to the nuts…while shrieking like a little girl.
And that is why these two videos are some of my favorite:
Yes. Just sayin’, Bakersfield clowns. I’ll have no hesitation taking a crowbar to your knees, dropping that crowbar, and then running flailing away at 100 MPH. Hopefully not leaving too big a trail of pee behind me.
What do you think of the Bakersfield story? Not cool, right? Or maybe you’re into it? Tell me in the comments below.
Today’s junk food: Trader Joe’s Cookies & Creme Cookie Butter!
OMG YES. Trader Joe’s Cookies & Creme Cookie Butter is in my clutches. With other cookie butters like Biscoff and Trader Joe’s speculoos cookie butter gaining widespread popularity, it was only a matter of time before this came along. Of course, the question is – would this be good or overly sweet? I mean, the first thing you think when you look at this is “crushed Oreos” but I didn’t want it to be a jar of what essentially could be Duncan Hines frosting, you know?
Trader Joe’s Cookies & Creme Cookie Butter hypes the fact that it could be eaten on anything. Pancakes, waffles, toast, pretzels, ice cream? I have to honest, I don’t really know what to do with this stuff EXCEPT to cram it right into my mouth with a spoon. That’s how I eat Biscoff spread. Sure I’m sure it tastes great on toast…but I never get that far.
When I opened this jar of Trader Joe’s Cookies & Creme Cookie Butter, I immediately smelled…well, Oreos. It did not smell SUPER chocolaty, but instead had that more dark, non-sweet Oreo smell. I grabbed a spoon to dig in…
…holy hell, this Trader Joe’s Cookies & Creme Cookie Butter was THICK. This DEFINITELY was not frosting-like, and I dare say it was thicker than I remember regular cookie butter being. It reminded me a lot of the same tug and pull that peanut butter does – when I tipped the spoon vertical, it clung to the spoon with no drip back down into the jar.
Placing the spoonful of Trader Joe’s Cookies & Creme Cookie Butter into my mouth, I immediately went WHOA and rushed to have the Junk Food Gal try a bite. This stuff was pure GOLD. The basic description is that it, indeed, tasted like a jar full of crushed Oreos. And I mean that in the best possible way – like a good cookie butter, this spoonful had a great texture. Smooth enough that I could see myself spreading it on toast while sturdy enough to hold up on its own.
The flavor was not cloying or overtly sweet – the white parts of the cookie butter were not just pure creme. I almost think the dark vs. white coloring was just for aesthetic – overall, the sweetness was perfectly balanced and the whole thing tasted just like a regular Oreo. The flavor was not milk chocolaty – rather, it tasted a lot like the dark cookie of an Oreo: semi-sweet, with almost a burnt cocoa flavor. Add on top of that a sweetness that helped highlight and enhance that Oreo-cookie flavor, and you have pure perfection. This stuff was DANGEROUSLY good. Oreo cookie butter. Holy cow.
Additionally, this Trader Joe’s Cookies & Creme Cookie Butter had TINY TINY bits of Oreo-like cookie throughout, so the smooth texture was punctuated with little crunchy bits. This made eating it straight out of the jar even more enjoyable – the variety in texture meant I wasn’t just eating a spoonful of tasty goo. It was, instead, a semi-crunchy spoonful of tasty goo.
Go to Trader Joe’s. Buy this. Now. I promise you’ll like it.
PURCHASED AT: Trader Joe’s, Bethesda, MD
Junk Food Guy