Review: Brach’s Candy Corn Gummies & Backup QB vs. JFG: NFL Week 3

Junk Food Nation, TWO quick thoughts this morning.  1) Did anyone watch that clown show of a football game last night?  What a shenanigan factory. All I know is at one point, the Falcons had 200 pts, and the Bucs were facing the wrong direction on the field.  Wait, that wasn’t accurate? It certainly felt that way. 2) Did anyone see that the FIRST PERSON to buy an iPhone 6 in Australia DROPPED IT ON LIVE TV?  HAHA YES. That’s classic.

So, it’s another Football Friday!  The Backup QB and I resume our season-long bet with these Week 3 picks.  How’d we do last week? Not well, my friends, not well.  The BQB went 5-10-0, netting 9 pts (he hit his lock). His season total is 9-19-2, with 13 pts.  Me? I went 7-8-0, but MISSED my lock, netting 7 pts. BLARGH.  On the season I’m 13-15-2, also with 13 pts. We’re tied! (STUPID LOCK PICKS.)

For Week 3, the BQB’s lock is Houston -2.5: “At some point, the Giants have to get a win.  I don’t think they keep this one close.  Our key pick is against the Giants for a second straight week.” Read the rest of the BQB’s picks here.

My LOCK OF THE CENTURY…OF THE WEEK… is the Colts -7 over the Jaguars.  I hate making my lock a roady, but if the BQB can do it, so can I?  Andrew Luck shouldn’t, can’t, won’t allow the Colts to start the season with three losses, and despite the fact that their run game is putrid, I expect the play calling to be much better this week.  The Skins trounced the Jags last week.  I live in DC and know the Skins are not good. If the Colts are good AT ALL, they should cover 7 pts.

The rest of our picks here:

GAME Backup QB Picks JFG Picks
Cowboys @ RAMS RAMS +1 Cowboys -1
Redskins @ EAGLES Redskins +6.5 Redskins +6.5
Texans @ GIANTS Texans -2.5 (LOCK) GIANTS +2.5
Vikings @ SAINTS Vikings +10.5 SAINTS -10.5
Titans @ BENGALS Titans +7 BENGALS -7
Ravens @ BROWNS Ravens -1 Ravens -1
Packers @ LIONS LIONS -2.5 Packers +2.5
Colts @ JAGUARS Colts -7 Colts -7 (LOCK)
Chargers @ BILLS BILLS -2.5 BILLS -2.5
Raiders @ PATRIOTS Raiders +14 PATRIOTS -14
Niners @ CARDINALS CARDINALS +3 Niners -3
Broncos @ SEAHAWKS SEAHAWKS -4.5 Broncos +4.5
Bears @ JETS Bears +3 Bears +3


Interestingly, the BQB and I only have seven picks aligned, which means eight are up in the air. This could be a big swing week in either direction.

Today’s junk food: Brach’s Candy Corn Gummies!

Brach's Candy Corn Gummies

Brach’s Candy Corn Gummies: The Money Shot

Brach’s Candy Corn Gummies were given to me by my buddy Steve.  After the onslaught of pumpkin/apple/candy corn/Halloween/cinnamon spice items that deluged us at the end of August, I was happy to try something new that I hadn’t seen before.  I liked SOME of Brach’s candy corn (most recently their apple pie flavor)….but in gummy form?  WTF.

Brach's Candy Corn Gummies

Brach’s Candy Corn Gummies: UGH

Classic candy corn shape and flavor…but in a chewy, rubbery form. I shudder to think about what edible chemicals came together to make this.  Still, if they pull it off, I’ll give it props.

Brach's Candy Corn Gummies

Brach’s Candy Corn Gummies: 21 pieces per serving

The specs on these Brach’s Candy Corn Gummies …hey! Coconut oil!  So, these are healthy, right?

Brach's Candy Corn Gummies

Brach’s Candy Corn Gummies: Eerily spot on

I opened these Brach’s Candy Corn Gummies and dumped some out, and was surprised by the look. I.e., THEY LOOKED EXACTLY LIKE CANDY CORN.  But I could squish them in my fingers like gummy bears.  My mind was blown.

The bag also smelled faintly of candy corn – it wasn’t the PUNCH-YOU-IN-FACE smell that candy corn normally had, but I recognized the distinct sugary aroma.  Time to chew.

Brach's Candy Corn Gummies

Brach’s Candy Corn Gummies: WHAAAA

Oh God. OH GOD.  I’m sorry, Brach’s. I love some of your other items…but these Brach’s Candy Corn Gummies are awful. OH GOD GET IT OUT OF MY MOUTH.  NO. No.

I’ll just get right to the core of it – THIS WAS NOT A GOOD IDEA.  The gummy texture itself was fine – nothing different than other gummies I’d eaten.  The candy corn flavor didn’t emerge right away, but when it did, it was muted but distinctly candy corn.   But the combination was NOT. GOOD.

I BARELY like candy corn, and the one sliver of appeal to me is the sugary grittiness that candy corn turns into when you chew it.  This had none of that, obviously. When I first chewed these, the flavor didn’t come out right away, so it felt like I was chewing old gum, trying to squeeze the flavor out of it. Not yummy. At all. Plus, once the flavor emerged, it wasn’t super sugary, like I wanted it to be.

This was just a combo that didn’t work.  I do not now, nor in the future, ever want to eat gummies that are flavored like candy corn. I’ll never want gum that tastes like hamburgers, soda that tastes like Thanksgiving dinner, or caramel that tastes like basil.  Well, maybe that last one. But probably not.

These were not good. Do not buy these.  Go for the Brach’s regular candy corn.  I’m looking forward to my first bag of candy corn and peanuts. Punt these gummy candy corn down a dark hallway.

PURCHASED AT: Giant, Germantown, MD.

COST: $3.00

Thoughts? Please comment below or hit me up on Twitter @junkfoodguy or LIKE my Facebook Page and message me there. I also have Google+!! Let’s hang out.


Junk Food Guy

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Discuss - 3 Comments

  1. alek says:

    Whoa! $3 for a bag?! U should complain to Branch’s and they would likely send you a coupon for a free product.

  2. Andre Theman says:

    It’s amazing a major company could approve such an awful product!

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