Review: Brach’s Apple Pie Candy Corn & Awkward Stories, Redux: Grocery Theft!

Junk Food Nation, since a couple of days ago we were discussing theft stories, I wanted to bring back a story that I posted waaaay back when this blog started that some of you may have missed. Enjoy!


Back when I lived in Maryland, before moving into DC, I used to frequent this small family-owned grocery store known as Sniders SuperFood.  It was a great little grocery with great deals and fresh deli.  One of the store’s hallmarks was that because it was so small, there were no gaudy displays, no colorful shelves, etc. Instead, if something was on sale, they’d load up a shopping cart full of one item, and stick a sign into it – “Cans of Corn, 3 for $1,” that sort of thing.  Then they’d post these shopping carts at the end of store aisles.

So one day I’m out getting my groceries, pushing my cart around, and I get to the end of an aisle.  And there, in all its glory, is a cart loaded with, what else, Doritos!  Junk Food Nation, you know how much I LOVE Doritos, especially if they’re on sale.  I push my cart over next to it, and I happily start pulling bags of Doritos out of that cart into my cart. Cool Ranch, Nacho Cheese, Spicy – quite a haul!

Quite a haul… until a woman walks up to me hurriedly with a nasty look on her face, and exclaims, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” And then I look more closely – this is her shopping cart. I am clearly stealing Doritos out of this woman’s shopping cart.

Here’s what went through my head as I was caught dumpster diving into this random lady’s shopping cart:

1) Her purse was clearly in that little basket to the front of the cart.  Big ol’ purse.  Big. Ol. Purse. I guess I’m lucky this woman didn’t come at me with a taser, or screamed for the police. Nope – she just saw my dumb face offloading Doritos like it was my job.

2) No price sale sign anywhere in sight.  That should’ve been a big clue.  But no, my dumb ass sees a cart loaded with Doritos and somehow it becomes my mission to make them all mine. Like its a video game!

3) The main thought I had: Who has that many Doritos in one cart!? (Besides me, that is?)  Seriously, I would not have have gone hogwild on the Doritos cart unless I honestly thought it was a sale cart.  This lady had close to fifteen bags in her cart.  Having a really big party, are we, ma’am??

(And yes, I did see that there was other food in the cart…EVENTUALLY.  But when your eyes are filled with Dorito-y goodness, there’s blinders.  BLINDERS!)

Anyways, I spent the rest of the grocery trip hiding from this woman, and she scowled every time she even saw me, instinctively clutching her purse. Good lord – I’M NOT GOING TO ROB YOU, LADY.  Ugh.


So, Junk Food Nation – do you have any awkward grocery store stories like this? Let me know in the comments below.  And don’t forget to enter my Peanut Butter & Co. contest!

Today’s junk food: Brach’s Apple Pie Candy Corn!

Brach's Apple Pie Candy Corn

Brach’s Apple Pie Candy Corn: The Money Shot

So Brach’s Apple Pie Candy Corn exists.  After reviewing the Caramel Macchiato version, I was hesitant to try this. My CM review was basically: Yeah, they got the flavor spot on, but who wants candy corn that tastes like that?  Not me.  So the question remains with this – do I WANT candy corn that tastes like apple pie, even if its spot on?  I’m not sure.

Brach's Apple Pie Candy Corn

Brach’s Apple Pie Candy Corn: 19 pieces per serving

Brach's Apple Pie Candy Corn

Brach’s Apple Pie Candy Corn: APPLE??

Brach’s Apple Pie Candy Corn contains no apple. Not surprising.

Brach's Apple Pie Candy Corn

Brach’s Apple Pie Candy Corn: Light brown

I opened this bag of Brach’s Apple Pie Candy Corn and sniffed…hmmm. Definitely smelled a bit like apple, and I caught a nice cinnamon whiff too. As I placed my nose to the bag and huffed it like it was a Whip-it, I realized that these candy corn did, indeed, smell like apple pie filling.  Peculiar.

Brach's Apple Pie Candy Corn

Brach’s Apple Pie Candy Corn: Like little wedges of apple?

Stuffing several of these Brach’s Apple Pie Candy Corn into my mouth, I chewed and…my eyes widened. Holy cow. These did taste like apple pie. And….THEY WERE DELICIOUS.

Again, this is all personal preference, but I thought these were out of this world good. As soon as my first chews sank in, the apple taste can STREAMING out of the candy, with just the right amount of brown sugar and cinnamon taste to go with it.  Simply put, these candy corn tasted EXACTLY like apple pie filling.  Maybe more accurately, you know that GOO that surrounds the apples in apple pie filling? Yeah…this tasted like that.  Nice little honey flavor that ended the chew, too. Yum yum.

It immediately reminded me of Hostess Apple Pies, McDonald’s Apple Pies, and all the apple pies I’d ever eaten, but with the chewy texture of candy corn.  But the flavor was unmistakable, and remarkable. I surprised myself with how much I enjoyed these.  I kept eating them just to make sure my brain wasn’t wrong on the flavor. It wasn’t. These are just damn good. BUY.


COST: $0.99

Thoughts? Please comment below or hit me up on Twitter @junkfoodguy or LIKE my Facebook Page and message me there. I also have Google+!! Let’s hang out.


Junk Food Guy

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Discuss - 14 Comments

  1. MP says:

    That candy looks like teeth.
    One time in a Trader Joe’s I was with a friend & I was randomly approached by a middle-aged woman who was an employee & she said, “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” I had just walked in & was just looking around & was completely shocked. Then she said, “It’s because of your shirt. Please leave.” My mind is a complete blank & before I could react or look at my shirt, then she bursts into laughter like a lunatic, “Haha, I’m just kidding!” & repeats herself to assure me.
    What was the shirt that I was wearing? This one
    It was summer 2004 & the Cubs and Sox were playing their stupid interleague play crap at the time. Incidentally I didn’t buy that shirt but the friend’s brother gave it to me.

  2. Lindemann says:

    Apple pie flavor is certainly more intuitively compatible with the candy corn than caramel macchiato. Still, I’ll be saving these for the fall.

  3. Lisa says:

    Wonder how they’d be with graham cracker goldfish? Copying the peanuts and candy corn idea

  4. alek says:

    It was not really awkward but a really pissed off moment. When I was shopping for produce at my supermarket when I turned my eyes back to the cart it was gone! On the top of the cart was my coupon inserts for shopping. I was panicking to find it but never found it. Those people!! Maybe they want to save money and didn’t bother to search coupons. One time I rammed a guy behind with the cart accidently. He was like what the heck dude? But he was cool about it.

    Another story last year as I was entering the Asian market this lady whom seemed to be a hurry rammed my left leg with the cart. As I winced in pain and screaming swear words she never said sorry or checked on me to make sure that I was okay. I limped in the store to buy milk and when I came out that lady was in the van ready to leave so I stood there by the window making dirty looks. She gave me the finger and drove away. It was horrible! 3 days of pain and icing.

  5. Randy H says:

    Brach’s, you’ve succeeded admirably at yet AGAIN finding a way to make an otherwise delicious treat taste bad! ????

    • Sascha says:

      Wait, what? I think you got that completely reversed, Randy. Candy Corn sucks. Only thing worse than candy corn are those orange and black wrapped peanut butter things that all the octogenarians hand out at Halloween. And Circus Peanuts. Brach’s is taking a horrible product and taking it anywhere from somewhat edible to downright awesome. I now have to find these.

      The only people that have made regular candy corn taste good, is M&M’s, btw.

    • junkfoodguy says:

      @Randy: lol, awh – did you try it? Or have you vowed never to try it? 🙂

  6. murphious says:

    @Sascha “orange and black peanut butter things..”–peanut butter taffy. I laughed because someone didn’t know taffy, like saying M&M’s are “those lacquered round discs with chocolate inside”.

  7. The more of these I eat the more they taste like coconut. I don’t know why. The first couple were pretty tasty, but after a handful they get worse. Not a fan.

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