Review: Jelly Belly Draft Beer Jelly Beans & How Far Do You Stand From Urinal?

Junk Food Nation, I have a question. Well, I guess its only for the male half of Junk Food Nation.  I dunno, if you’re a female and have an opinion, feel free to weigh in.  But it’s about urinals, and the question is this: How far are you supposed to stand from a urinal?  I don’t mean FUNCTIONALLY – I know how far *I* stand from a urinal to use it. I meant ETIQUETTE WISE.  The reason I ask is because recently I went into the bathroom at [redacted] and there was a bank of urinals and this dude was there standing a GOOD FOOT FROM THE URINAL DOING HIS BUSINESS.  And I was like WHAT THE HELL MAN.

I mean, I get it. You stand too close, sometimes you get stuff on your shoes. Guys also always have to deal with urinals with unseen angles that somehow create maximum splashback, which is NEVER a good look.  Or maybe you’re just grossed out by some urinals in general and don’t want your pants, belt, or junk ANYWHERE NEAR the thing.  But still – there’s GOT to be a limit.

What do you think, Junk Food Nation?  Either this guy’s a sociopath or he’s just showing off.  Either way, NOT OK. This is as bad as dude who drop ENTIRE TROU when using the urinal – TRUST ME I’VE SEEN THAT TOO.  Awful.  Urinal etiquette is APPARENTLY non existent since it’s just assumed that guys are animals and we’ll do stupid sh*t to make each other laugh like fart on people’s heads and belching during the quiet parts of movies. BUT THERE’S A LINE PEOPLE. And I would submit that standing a foot from a urinal arc-ing your shot IS WAAAAY PAST THAT LINE.

I mean, I cannot be in the minority on this. What say you? Comment below.

Today’s junk food: Jelly Belly Draft Beer Jelly Beans!

Jelly Belly Draft Beer Jelly Beans

Jelly Belly Draft Beer Jelly Beans: The Money Shot

I picked up these samples of Jelly Belly Draft Beer Jelly Beans at the Summer Fancy Food Show, but me and the Nosh Show guys and Cybele from CandyBlog had already discussed this a couple months ago. Jelly beans that taste like beer?? Why not – and why hadn’t this been earlier?  Hm.

Jelly Belly Draft Beer Jelly Beans

Jelly Belly Draft Beer Jelly Beans: Modified food starch!

Jelly Belly Draft Beer Jelly Beans don’t contain alcohol, according to the ingredient listing, and according to their website. Well, that’s no fun!  I mean – not even a LITTLE bit of alcohol?  Like, if I snarfed a bag of these, I could blow 0.01?  No?  Poo.

Jelly Belly Draft Beer Jelly Beans

Jelly Belly Draft Beer Jelly Beans: Weird smell

When I opened these Jelly Belly Draft Beer Jelly Beans, an odd smell emanated from the bag. My beer making expert friend Josh smelled the bag too – he said (for you craft beer makers) that it smelled like stale yeast.  Whatever that means. Definitely smelled yeast-y – and it also reminded me of college, cleaning up rooms after a party the night before, the smell of stale beer that had been spilled was everywhere.  Yep – that’s the smell I get here.  Old Honey Brown bottles with skunked beer.  Honey Brown….ugh.

Jelly Belly Draft Beer Jelly Beans

Jelly Belly Draft Beer Jelly Beans: CRAZY LOOK

The look of these Jelly Belly Draft Beer Jelly Beans was kind of cool though – bronze crystalline looking. For aesthetic, I’ll give this an A+.  Did this look like beer? I mean, I guess.  But the jewel-like finish to these beans couldn’t be ignored – definitely a cool looking bean!

Popping a few into my mouth, I chewed.  Even before I chewed, my mouth did get a small flavor of…something.  Yeast aroma?  As I chewed, the flavor was still jelly bean sweet, but the sweetness was enhancing…a yeast taste.  I can’t really explain it well. My friend Josh said this tasted like candied yeast. Candied yeast is probably the best way to describe this. It reminded me of beer, in that sort of weird way that the smell/taste of beer drifts through my nostrils when I’m drinking it, and that was the actual flavor I tasted. But these didn’t really TASTE like.  They tasted like…the sweet essence of beer.

Did I like them? I mean, sure – they were still candy, and very sweet.  But given the choice between these and other flavors of Jelly Belly jelly beans, I’d prob opt for others.  Just…weird.

PURCHASED AT: Get them online here.

COST: $2.50 for a 3.5 oz bag.

Thoughts? Please comment below or hit me up on Twitter @junkfoodguy or LIKE my Facebook Page and message me there. I also have Google+!! Let’s hang out.


Junk Food Guy

Discuss - 16 Comments

  1. MP says:

    Ok. Was said pisser at a bar/restaurant/ballpark with booze? Because they would explain it. I get right up in there. I hate pissing in public, tho. I have a shy bladder & I really have to psyche myself up unless I really have to go bad.
    Those jelly beans look disgusting.

  2. Brent says:

    The only legit reason to stand so far back would be if there was a puddle of nastiness around the urinal and there were none cleaner available. If I walked in and encountered your scenario, I think I would have headed for a stall.

  3. Sarah says:

    Was this your bathroom at work? If yes….it should be forgotten….all of your junk food nation knows weird shit happens in there. If something smells like a frat house basement on a Sunday morning, no way I am ingesting it….you must have a pair!

    • junkfoodguy says:

      @Sarah: LOL, if it was at work, I would’ve filed a complaint! But you’re right – my work bathroom is a whole other headache

      Did you get the Turkey Hill coupon yet, btw?

  4. Lisa says:

    Omg. You are just too funny!
    No opinion on the urinal topic but took a very perverse pleasure in reading about it.

  5. Shorneys says:

    Have you ever been at the airport super early in the morning and there’s nobody in the bathroom and you can play around all you want so you take little steps back further and further to see how far you can actually pee and still hit the target from, like, 5 feet away?

    Um… Me neither.

  6. alek says:

    I did try these but I bought these at the overpriced Dylan’s Candy Bar store bulk bins. I spat out when I tasted these. Tasted like piss and ash. I’m over the legal age but this was disgusting.

  7. Michelle says:

    Looks like dragon eggs.

  8. Elisa says:

    Why am I thinking of Ron Weasley’s comment on drinking Polyjuice Potion in the 2nd “Harry Potter’ movie….”essence of Crabbe.”

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