Review: Doritos JACKED Test Flavor 404 & My Surprisingly Good DC -> LAX Flight on United
Junk Food Nation, my apologies for the delay of this post. Being in California is awesome but my internal clock is WAAAY off. I know it shouldn’t be that hard to figure out, but I can’t tell if I’m hungry or tired or wide awake and should be sleeping. Yes, I do know how to add and subtract 3. It’s not that – my every day life is just normally very very regimented. When I eat. When I work out. When I watch sports. When I eat junk food. The fact that I was watching the NFL draft yesterday at 5pm PST, and then was heading out to dinner AFTER it was over??? I had no idea what was happening. (PS: I liked the Sammy Watkins pick for my Bills. I’ll talk about this next week).
But guys, GUYS, I need to share with you my semi-long story about my flight from DC to LA. I booked via United because it was the cheapest ticket I found, and was bummed because I normally fly JetBlue or Virgin due to the availability of TVs/cable. I was especially bummed because on Wednesday night, RIGHT when I would be flying, Game 2 of the Wiz/Pacers series would be happening. ARGH. The Junk Food Gal, being from California, told me that she flew United from California to DC her last trip and they did have TV screens. I was unbelieving.
So there I was, boarding my flight at 6:45 p.m. on Wednesday evening, 15 mins before tip-off, and as I walked down the aisle….TVs! THE SEATS *DID* HAVE TVS. Holy S. I was giddy giddy while nervous (did the plane have TNT!?) and when I got to my aisle seat…crying baby. OH NO. I turned to my left: another crying baby. Holy hell – and there was ANOTHER crying baby in the row behind the second! My senses were on overload.
Still, (1) I am not a jerk, and (2) I actually love babies, and (3) have tons of friends with babies so I know these parents are trying their best, and the woman in my aisle was so apologetic. I grinned, said no worries, smiled at the baby (who seemed to calm down upon seeing me – just call me the baby whisperer), and then quickly plugged in my headphones to flip the seat TV channels. And there it was: THE WIZARDS GAME. I was stoked.
The flight took off, I was silent-going-nuts while watching the first quarter, when the “Free Direct TV Preview” ended and asked for my credit card. Cursing, I swiped my card for the $7.99 it cost to continue renting the TV, and the game flipped back on. Sigh of relief. I was super into the game, and about 45 mins in, I spotted the beverage cart coming down the aisle. “You know what?” I thought, “My wallet’s out anyways – let’s get a drink!”
Now, I had read some BuzzFeed article once, detailing tell-all secrets from flight personnel, and one said, “If you tip the flight attendant after your first drink, you’ll likely get free drinks the rest of the flight.” I wanted to test this theory. When the flight attendant came by and asked what I wanted, I had cash and credit card in hand and asked for a Jack/Coke – flight reg. price $7.99 (!!!). She looked at me, at the babies, and said, “Sure” placing a can of Coke, a small bottle of Jack on my tray table and a cup of ice. I tried passing her my card and $2 in cash at the same time, and she told me, “It’s on me.” OH. Because of the babies? “Well, thanks,” I noted and pressed the cash into her hand. “No, thank you,” she said, reaching down, placing ANOTHER cup of ice and another small bottle of Jack on my tray table. SCORE – I couldn’t believe that worked. Seriously.
I’m sipping my drinks, still SUPER into the game. I look behind me, and the two Asian older gentlemen in the seat behind me are leaned up WATCHING the game from in between the seats, BLATANTLY. I’m feeling buzzed after my second drink, so I smile encouragingly, give a dorky thumbs up, and return to my in-seat-fist-pumping-and-silent-cheering.
The game is tight, and the babies are crying at random times, but I don’t care because I’m too busy cursing the Indiana Pacers. I don’t even see the woman come back down the row until she taps my shoulder. “How you doing? Want another?” she asks. I quickly reply, “Sure!” and again try to pass her my card and another $3 (big spenda). She waves it off, and says, “Don’t worry about it, you’re dealing with a lot.” I was? I pass her the cash, she pockets it, and hands me more Coke and another two bottles of Jack. AWESOME. This price-to-cost ratio was definitely in my favor:
Over the course of the game, I sucked down another two bottles of Jack washed down with some ice and Coke. The Wizards lost. I was despondent. And, by the way, DRUNK. Essentially four shots of Jack in a two hour span? Maybe I’m a lightweight, but I was okey-tokey. I fell asleep dreaming of missed Wizards opportunities for the remainder of the flight. I only woke up once we landed, and the nice flight attendant gave me a wink as I stepped off the plane.
BUT ANYWAYS. IT WORKED! DOCUMENTED! Maybe the crying babies made her feel sorry for me, but, for this moment at least, CONFIRMED: tipping the flight attendant will get you free drinks! Or, at least, not being a jerk / showing courtesy / being good spirited got me free drinks. I spent $7.99 for the TV and tipped a whopping $5 cash, and got the entire Wizards game and $32 “worth” in drinks. Thank you for the pretty amazing flight, United. Thank you!
Have you ever had a similar flight experience? Or thoughts on mine? Tell me in the comments below.
Today’s junk food: Doritos JACKED Test Flavor 404!
Ah, Doritos JACKED Test Flavor 404. The final of the triumvirate of flavors that I had not tried yet. I did the overly spicy-taco-flavored, loaded with paprika, 855’s last Monday. The spicy yet sweet barbecue smoky 2653’s were reviewed this week. Let’s just do photos and get right to the tasting shall we? Yes, let’s do this.
Doritos JACKED Test Flavor 404 didn’t look deep red like the 855’s, or dark brown like the 2653’s. They just sort of looked like Cool Ranch Doritos. But they didn’t smell like them.
Placing my face firmly into the bag of these Doritos JACKED Test Flavor 404, I smelled citrus. It reminded me a LOT of that fake lime smell I got when sniffing Hint of Lime Tostitos. Newsflash: I don’t LIKE Hint of Lime Tostitos. Alarms are going off in my head.
So, these Doritos JACKED Test Flavor 404 were….well, interesting. The crunch was like the other JACKED chips, nice and big and corn-flavored. But the powder? I have to be honest, I couldn’t place my finger on it. I picked up a little bit of chicken-y flavor. I tasted a lot of lime and orange citrus notes – not as annoyingly fake, though, as the Hint of Lime Tostitos. There was a bit of spice, and good amount of onion powder flavor.
All in all, it was a savory, sort on onion-y, citrus combo of flavors. I was at a loss though – what WAS the flavor they were going for?? I had, and still have, no idea. The Junk Food Gal suggested Orange Chicken? Sweet and Sour Chicken? Maybe…but there was no soy flavor to back up the Asian side of things. The ingredients had no cheese, so maybe this was just a straight up Latin flavor? Some have suggested Jerk Chicken, but I didn’t taste any jerk spice.
I honestly have no clue. They tasted decent though, although the citrus flavor didn’t thrill me. Probably wouldn’t buy these again – and if anyone has flavor suggestions, tell me in the comments below!
Have a good weekend everyone. Hopefully you’ve been enjoying my food adventures via social media. GO WIZ.
PURCHASED AT: Giant Food
COST: $1.39 on sale
Junk Food Guy