Review: New Sweet Onion Wheat Thins & Football Stories! (NO FUN LEAGUE & Halftime Showers)

Junk food Nation, the stress is still everywhere, EVERYWHERE, but thanks so much to everyone for your suggestions yesterday.  It really helped – I appreciate each and every one of you for thinking of me!  Except for you. You know who you are. Prick.

I’d be remiss for not mentioning my favorite two NFL stories recently:

1) Some NFL players, like Jimmy Graham, are athletic enough that after they catch TDs, they celebrate by dunking the football over the uprights – Like this:

I know I enjoy this.  Usually I’m more impressed that a football player can get that high to actually throw the ball down over the goalpost, but it’s more common these days as tight ends get taller and taller.

Well, the No Fun League has decided, “What’s that? Fans like this? LET’S DESTROY IT.” That’s right, the NFL has outlawed dunking over the goalpost.  Seriously – the celebration will now be illegal and will draw a penalty.

NICE WORK, NFL. Let’s make sure that no one has fun.  Good job.

2) Did you know that at halftime at the Super Bowl, QB Russell Wilson stripped off his uniform, took a shower, and then re-taped, re-clothed, and went back out onto the field?

“This is what I did at halftime, and a lot guys did too: I took my whole uniform off and took a shower,” Wilson told the Dan Patrick Show on Tuesday. “Halftime is about 45 minutes so I took a shower, re-taped everything, got my arm stretched again and then we got into a whole other stretch again.”

Huh. And he doesn’t even mention taking a deuce, which is what I’D be doing at halftime, but whatever.  He even credited a change in performance in a Week 2 game to a halftime shower:

“I showered to kind of restart my mind, restart everything. Really get out and feel it’s a new game,” Wilson told the Seattle Times in September.

Is it bad that my first thought was “Uh…does he put back ON that nasty sweaty uniform from before? Because that’s gross.”  I mean seriously.  Have you ever come back from a run, peeled off shoes, socks, wickaway gear, sweaty T-shirt…showered, and then wanted to put that stuff back on?  I can barely touch my workout clothes when I’m done.  I let them dry out and fossilize so I can lift the pile with a fork right into the hamper.

Anyways, I’m sure the Seahawks can afford multiple uniforms, but just sayin’.  We’re eliminating dunks over the goal post and hyping up showers at halftime.  Wake me when there are massage therapists on the sidelines.

Today’s junk food: New Sweet Onion Wheat Thins!

New Sweet Onion Wheat Thins

New Sweet Onion Wheat Thins: The Money Shot

I first saw these New Sweet Onion Wheat Thins on the Impulsive Buy, and knew I had to eat them myself.  Why?  1) I love Wheat Thins, and 2) I LOVE ONION. Seriously, who DOESN’T love onion?  I eat onions every day, in salads, cooking, ice cream.  Gimme some onion toothpaste, let me brush that sh*t into my teeth.

In other news, Junk Food Gal always keeps a big bottle of mouthwash in the bathroom.

New Sweet Onion Wheat Thins

New Sweet Onion Wheat Thins: Bloomin onion

CRIKEY, THAT’S A BLOOMIN’ ONION!  Or rather, that’s what I think the image is on these New Sweet Onion Wheat Thins.  Ever have one of those Bloomin’ Onions at Outback?  They apparently have almost 2000 calories in one onion. You’ve been warned.

New Sweet Onion Wheat Thins

New Sweet Onion Wheat Thins: 140 cal per serving

New Sweet Onion Wheat Thins

New Sweet Onion Wheat Thins: sugar sugar everywhere

New Sweet Onion Wheat Thins contain sugar, cornstarch, malt syrup, refiner’s syrup, brown sugar, fructose. I’m guessing these’ll be sweet.

New Sweet Onion Wheat Thins

New Sweet Onion Wheat Thins: standard look

When I opened this box of New Sweet Onion Wheat Thins and took a big whifff – I didn’t get any onion smell at all.  Just that nice, sweet wheat smell of Wheat Thins.

I took on Thin and licked – and BAM! SWEET ONION FLAVOR! Like Funyuns that had been pureed and then blasted onto the Thin.  REALLY strong sweet onion flavor.  Woooo weee.

New Sweet Onion Wheat Thins

New Sweet Onion Wheat Thins: Decent coating

When I crunched these New Sweet Onion Wheat Thins, I got a mix of two flavors.  The first was the sweet onion flavor I previously described. Sweet, onion-y, like the flavor of a bloomin’ onion.

The second flavor was the strong sweet honey wheat flavor of Wheat Thins that I knew and loved.  The crackers were crunching and had a toasted flavor, just like every single other Wheat Thin I’d ever had.

Together, the flavors were interesting – at times, the strong sweet flavor of the underlying cracker totally dominated the flavor of the sweet onion, with my tongue only tasting the onion flavor when the cracker was first placed in my mouth.  But then, as I crunched other mouthfuls of Wheat Thins, then the onion flavor came powering back, filling my mouth with strong onion taste.

One thing to note – these weren’t CREAMY (which I appreciated). No buttermilk, no cheese, nothing else that would provide creaminess in these crackers.  These weren’t Sour Cream and Onion, these were just straight up SWEET ONION – and the taste definitely reflected that.

REALLY good.  I love Wheat Thins.


COST: $2.50 on sale

Thoughts? Please comment below or hit me up on Twitter @junkfoodguy or LIKE my Facebook Page and message me there. I also have Google+!! Let’s hang out.


Junk Food Guy

Discuss - 8 Comments

  1. SFChin says:

    What if someone celebrated a touchdown by changing their uniform? That would be impressive. Would take some planning. I bet T.O. could have pulled it off.

  2. It’s a little hard to criticize the QB that just won the SB (*cough* defense won it *cough*), but what ever happened to, you know, adjusting game plans, etc. at halftime (admittedly not necessary against the already-on-the-golf-course Broncos)? Did the OC get in the shower with a white board and start going over stuff over his…stuff?

  3. Marc P says:

    Great picture and review, I am going to be all over grabbinga box of these.

    For the goalposts, I have to think the NFL knowing that they have deep pockets that many are ready to jump on, they must be concerned about posts coming down at some point.
    This happened in college when someone was hit a few years ago and that would be pretty costly to the NFL.

  4. MP says:

    They do keep multiple full sets of uniforms & shoes in the locker room.
    We need onion flavored mouthwash!!

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