Review: Cronuts!!! (Sort of…) & Amazon Drones Are The Future, Just Plug Me Into the Matrix Now

Junk Food Nation, I know I’m a little late on this, but in case you hadn’t heard, president/founder Jeff Bezos wants to develop DRONE technology to deliver things you buy on Amazon in 30 minutes.  That’s right – next day air isn’t fast enough; wants to get you your medicated hemorrhoid pads RIGHT NOW because they you NEED them RIGHT. NOW.  Take a look a this video:

So, that’s frightening.  I mean, this service, dubbed “ Prime Air” is still years away from full development, but still.  UM, has no one seen the movie Screamers?   It was horrifying.  The LAST thing I need is a tiny ship with rotating razor sharp blades zipping towards my home carrying LORD KNOWS WHAT.  Talk about nightmares. “Don’t worry honey.  Those flying robots in Terminator 2 are just a fairy taleOMGLOOK OUT FOR DIVE BOMBING DRONE CARRYING MY COPY OF ‘FROZEN’ ON DVD!!!!!!”

Let’s think of all the potential problems with this. FAA regulations.  People shooting at the drones to steal the boxes.  General horror of automated robots with blades flying around the air in large numbers.  Not to mention the privacy issues.

But whatever. I mean, I’m sort of resigned to it.  After Amazon Prime Air becomes commonplace, I say just barcode my thumb with my credit card number, let me network with friends through my eyes, and just plug me into the Matrix already. I want to talk to the Woman in Red.

What do you think? Tell me in the comments.

Today’s junk food: Cronuts!!!!!


Cronuts: The Money Shot

Cronuts were a craze back in May 2013. Originated by the Dominique Ansel Bakery in New York City, people would line up at 6 AM to purchase these blickies. And now?  Well, they’ve become a common part of our food culture, as EVERYONE it seems has a knock off “croissant donut” in their repertoire.  Including the Shoppers Food Grocery in Germantown, MD!

Credit here goes to my friend Ryan over on He tweeted that this store made their own Cronuts, so OFF I WENT TO FIND THEM!


Cronuts: 66 cents!?

And there they were, in the bakery shelf at this random Shoppers Grocery!  Cronuts, selling for 66 cents a piece!  Is that cheap or expensive? I couldn’t tell; I was too overwhelmed by the trays and trays of grotesquely layered donuts.


Cronuts: My colossal box


Cronuts: A Shoppers “Exclusive”

I bought three Cronuts. Exclusive?  Oh, Shoppers, you DO know how to make me feel special!


Cronuts: HOLY MOLY

Each of these Cronuts was over an inch thick and just SMOTHERED with icing.


Cronuts: I mean, good god.

So, I was excited to finally eat one of these faux-Cronuts!  I mean, I had nothing to compare it with – apparently, the real original version isn’t fried, and is also sugared, filled, and glazed (these were only glazed).  So would I know whether this Cronut was legit?

More importantly, would it even matter??? Let’s slice.


Cronuts: Sliced one


Cronuts: First cross section shot – MY GOD


Cronuts: Second cross section shot – OOF


Cronuts: Third cross section shot – yaga!!!

When I finally cut one of these Cronuts in half, I was able to count, like, ONE HUNDRED LAYERS.  The texture was light, pillow-y, and when I squeezed the Cronut, it was nice and springy.

When i bit into ti, I could actually feel the whole thing squishing down and then my teeth pierced each layer one by one until the top of my mouth and the bottom of my mouth met in the middle.  This thing was pretty light.


Cronuts: Peeled back

Flavorwise?  I mean, like I said, this wasn’t THE Cronut, so this basically tasted like a Cruller – a light pillow-y donut with a semi-hard exterior and a soft inside.  It was nice and sweet with a standard glaze flavor.

When you peeled back the layers and ate them individually, you could really taste the croissant-like butteriness.  Each layer was soft, and had that bread-flap-ness to it that we’re all familiar with re: the insides of croissants.

Did this blow me away? Nah. But, it was cool to try. Plus, maybe someday I’ll get to try the REAL Cronut…but if I’m not waking up for Black Friday, there’s no chance I’m waking up early for a pastry.  Maybe.

PURCHASED AT: Shoppers in Germantown, MD (18066 Mateny Road, Germantown, MD 20874)

COST: $0.66 (That’s a DEAL, son)

Thoughts? Please comment below or hit me up on Twitter @junkfoodguy or LIKE my Facebook Page and message me there. Let’s hang out.


Junk Food Guy

Discuss - 7 Comments

  1. Candy Crush says:

    I found these at wholefoods for $2. Not 66 cents, but hey! they are organic. I mean, it’s basically whole wheat, veggies (sugar is from sugar cane which is a veggie, right?), eggs and milk, a complete meal!!

  2. Elisa says:

    Whew, that was quite a bit to eat!

    Here’s a cartoon that “Washington Post” cartoonist Tom Toles did about Amazon drones last week:

  3. Jen says:

    First ever cronut flash sale and shipped straight to your home happening right now till Sunday: !!!!!!!!

  4. Origami_Kat says:

    I agree.The amazon drones and all of the networking is making Earth look like the Matrix. 😐 And about the cronuts…..OH GOD NO.Those look disgusting….

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