Already In Stores Now: HALLOWEEN CANDY & Oh It’s Not a Psycho, It’s Just a Meth Head
Junk Food Nation, a quick local story – last week a school in Virginia had a scare when they thought there was a man armed with a rifle and crossbow in the parking lot, presumably planning something bad. As the story goes, a man was asleep at the wheel of a running vehicle early in the morning, and when the principal went to wake him, he spotted the weapons in the man’s back seat. Police were called and the school was put in lockdown.
But no worries, folks! Turns out he WASN’T a crazed lunatic! Nope:
“[Brent] Painter told police he had smoked meth Thursday night and drove to work to sleep it off before his shift on a school sidewalk construction project.”
OHHHHHH HE HAD SMOKED METH AND WENT TO SLEEP IT OFF BEFORE WORKING ON A SCHOOL SIDEWALK CONSTRUCTION PROJECT. YOU KNOW, LIKE YA DO.
So instead of a madman, it’s just a guy smoking meth operating heavy machinery. Yeah, that sounds fine. NOTHING TO SEE HERE FOLKS. JUST BRENT HIGH ON METH USING A CONCRETE SAW TO SLICE THIS SIDEWALK OPEN.
The rest of the story is here.
Let’s take a look around stores to see how much *gulp* HALLOWEEN CANDY is ALREADY out. It’s still August, by the way.
Jelly Belly, who makes jelly beans, has made its own candy corn….and has ALSO made its own candy corn flavored jelly beans. I’m pretty sure this is in the plot of Inception. It’s only a matter of time before Taco Bell works this into a food product somehow.
Candy corn flavored lollipops?? I’ve never thought, “You know, I love candy corn, but I hate how qick it goes – how can they make that flavor last longer?”
Two things about these Iddy Biddy Pumpkins – first, I love that Russell Stover has the quantity locked down such that they can actually print it on the bag (YOU GET SIXTY, NO MORE NO LESS), and second, “actual size”? Does that matter to anyone? Was anyone out there thinking, “Well, I was gonna buy these, but I didn’t know how big they were gonna be…:
Presenting the weirdest bag of Taffy I spotted. Candy corn taffy, pumpkin pie and whipped cream taffy, and caramel apple taffy. I mean…I’m intrigued by the Pumpkin Pie taffy, but the other two? Meh. I’m not willing to rip out all my filling to find out how good/bad these are.
I reviewed Russell Stover Big Bites before, and Instagram-ed a recent photo of the other S’mores varieties I’ve seen…and now here come these caramel apple Big Bites, one with and on without nuts. Do these have gigantic apple slices in them, or not? Maybe I’ll be brave enough to review these.
CHOCOLATE MOUSSE CATS! THE SCARIEST CATS OF THEM ALL!
Ok, Pumpkin Spice Hershey’s Kisses are an oldie, but a goodie. Now, if anyone knows where I can find Pumpkin Spice M&Ms…well, please tell me.
Caramel Apple Milky Ways are also an oldie… makes sense to have these again, what with the caramel inside of the Milky Way bars…but what about Pumpkin Spice 3 Musketeers? Eh? Eh? Get on it, Mars Corp!
Now you can get York Peppermint Patties in Pumpkin Shapes! So….they added a stem to the already semi-circular shape? Brill.
And yes, these frightening Candy Corn M&Ms are back too. I reviewed them last year, and to quote myself: “There’s really not much else to say – these tasted like white chocolate mixed with candy corn.” Glad to know that my writing has (not) improved much over the past year.
Junk Food Guy