Review: RealBeanz Iced Coffee & COFFEE CONTEST TIME! Win a Sampler of RealBeanz & Absurd Email Comment of the Year (So Far)

Junk Food Nation, Happy Monday!  HAPPY MONDAY!  I figure the louder I shout it, maybe it will come true!  Ugh. Anyways, JFN, I live in a quaint little neighborhood in DC which has a quaint little neighborhood list serve which has quaint little residents who voice complaints about the MOST ABSURD THINGS POSSIBLE.  Too much snow. Not enough snow. Too many dogs roaming about. Leave our dogs alone! We need more restaurants here.  Too many restaurants will bring too much foot traffic. But I love that people want to visit our nook!  I want all people shunned and I prefer reclusiveness.

To that end, this email was sent out recently that made me laugh out loud:

“Dear Neighbors, 

“Is anyone else bothered by the needless noise pollution produced by the growing trend of using remote keys to lock car doors?  What can we do to protect the peace and serenity of our community?  I would be very interested in hearing others’ thoughts on this.”

I’m sure you would, Citizen Kane!  And we’ll make sure we stay off your lawn too.  WHAT. THE. EFF. SO many things to pick apart in this email.  First, “growing trend” of using remote keys to lock car doors?  What is this, 1989??  I am bothered by growing trend of time-displaced phonophobes moving into my neighborhood.  Second, what POSSIBLE needless noise pollution are we talking about here? The little “bip bip” that cars make when you lock the car?  Maybe a short honk that happens when you click “lock” twice?  Is there really someone sitting by the window watching people do this, shrieking in pain when they hear a one second beep?  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THE AGONY I WILL SMASH EVERYONE UNTIL IT STOPS.  I’m just imagining someone in full REM sleep, there’s a little “bip bip” that goes off in the background, and one eye pops open in a cartoon manner.  Creepy.

Finally, what can we do to protect the peace and serenity of our community?  Well, I’m going to be staying away from your crazy ass, that’s for sure.  It’s emails like this that make me wonder what the heck is wrong with people.  What’s next? “Is anyone else bothered by the growing trend of people talking with their friends in public? What can we do to protect the peace and serenity of our community?” YOU NUT.

Today’s junk food is RealBeanz Iced Coffee, and for those of you who LOVE ICED COFFEE, have I got a PRIZE for YOU.

RealBeanz Coffee

RealBeanz Iced Coffee Promo Stuff… they look like real coffee beans!  Sadly, was not scratch and sniff

I first tried RealBeanz Iced Coffee back during the 2012 Summer Fancy Food Show, and was a big fan, right away.  Iced coffee drinks are some of the Junk Food Gal’s favorite, and she liked this brand too.  Based out of Brooklyn, RealBeanz is a company focused on bringing you great iced coffee drinks, loaded with nutrients, 100% natural ingredients, and lots of herbs.  In essence, they are a healthy iced coffee drink.  And they are taaaaaaaasty!

So imagine my elation when they sent me the following sampler packs!

RealBeanz Iced Coffee

RealBeanz Iced Coffee: Sample Pack Money Shot 1

RealBeanz Iced Coffee

RealBeanz Iced Coffee: Sample Pack Money Shot 2, now with coconut water

All seven RealBeanz Iced Coffee flavors sent to me for sampling.  Junk Food Gal, an avid coffee drinker, was even more excited than me.  AND THIS IS WHAT COULD BE SENT TO YOU IF YOU WIN THE CONTEST – EVERY SINGLE FLAVOR OF REALBEANZ FOR YOUR OWN CONSUMPTION.

But I’m getting ahead of myself here.  Let’s try these caffeinated concoctions, shall we?  Details to the contest will be at the bottom.

RealBeanz Iced Coffee

RealBeanz Iced Coffee Mocha: The Money Shot

RealBeanz Iced Coffee

RealBeanz Iced Coffee Mocha: Kurt has some mean parents

RealBeanz Iced Coffee

RealBeanz Iced Coffee Mocha: contains both coffee AND tea

RealBeanz Iced Coffee

RealBeanz Iced Coffee Mocha: If Congress could be like…Calcium? Wha?

When I opened this bottle of RealBeanz Iced Coffee Mocha, definitely got a smell of coffee, and a general sweetness.  The first few gulps had a light coffee taste – this didn’t have any deep coffee flavor.  Nice chocolatey roundness to the taste.  Not overly milky – just a nice light coffee chocolate drink.  

RealBeanz Iced Coffee

RealBeanz Iced Coffee Vanilla Nut: The Money Shot

RealBeanz Iced Coffee

RealBeanz Iced Coffee Vanilla Nut: I like Madagascar vanilla…I think

RealBeanz Iced Coffee

RealBeanz Iced Coffee: Is the vanilla in the natural flavor??

RealBeanz Iced Coffee

RealBeanz Iced Coffee: Wait, passion flower soothes muscles spasms??? WHERE IS THIS MIRACLE BLOOM?

When I RealBeanz Iced Coffee Vanilla Nut, it had a nice coffee smell, and I definitely detected the vanilla aroma in this one right away.  When I drank this, the hazelnut flavor came through really well.  This was sweet, due to the vanilla, and had the taste of a nice chilled latte.  Very good.

RealBeanz Iced Coffee

RealBeanz Iced Coffee Cappuccino: The Money Shot

RealBeanz Iced Coffee

RealBeanz Iced Coffee Cappuccino: Kick w/o Crash, eh?

RealBeanz Iced Coffee

RealBeanz Iced Coffee Cappuccino: 140 calories per bottle :)

RealBeanz Iced Coffee

RealBeanz Iced Coffee Cappuccino: WHOA. Lots of energy boosters

When I cracked this bottle of RealBeanz Iced Coffee Cappuccino open, the Junk Food Gal noted you could definitely “smell the caffeine” in this one.  Does caffeine have a smell? I deferred to her, since she’s the coffee drinker.  Swigs of this drink revealed a much deeper, intense coffee flavor for sure.  Also pretty sweet, but had a nice deep coffee aftertaste.  Junk Food Gal liked this one the best.

RealBeanz Iced Coffee

RealBeanz Iced Coffee Diet Cappuccino: The Money Shot

RealBeanz Iced Coffee

RealBeanz Iced Coffee Diet Cappuccino: Kurt’s parents are REALLY mean

RealBeanz Iced Coffee

RealBeanz Iced Coffee Diet Cappuccino: onl 60 calories per bottle!!! Ultra slim!

RealBeanz Iced Coffee

RealBeanz Iced Coffee Diet Cappuccino: Chromium …isn’t that my web browser?

The smell of this RealBeanz Iced Coffee Diet Cappuccino was very similar to the non-diet version.  I kept wondering how the diet version would stack up, but sips of this revealed that it was pretty tasty.  It had the same deep taste as the regular Cappuccino brand, and was plenty sweet – but wasn’t as immediately sugary as the Cappuccino one.

RealBeanz Iced Coffee

RealBeanz Iced Coffee Caramel: The Money Shot

RealBeanz Iced Coffee

RealBeanz Iced Coffee Caramel: stop talking about podiatry school

RealBeanz Iced Coffee

RealBeanz Iced Coffee Caramel: Ginkgo biloba!  Sweet.

RealBeanz Iced Coffee

RealBeanz Iced Coffee Caramel: Yes, I want my brain never to be dry

The smell coming off of this RealBeanz Iced Coffee Caramel was, well, SUPER caramel.  SUPER DUPER caramel .  Whenever I get Starbucks Coffee, it usually has some caramel in it, but this was REALLY strong.  When I drank this one, all I could taste was caramel, to be honest.  There was a small coffee flavor at the end, but the powerful punch of caramel kind of made me frown.  WAY too sweet for me. My least favorite of the bunch.

RealBeanz Iced Coffee

RealBeanz Iced Coffee Coconut Water Dark Roast: The Money Shot

RealBeanz Iced Coffee

RealBeanz Iced Coffee Coconut Water Dark Roast: Wait, where’s Kurt???

RealBeanz Iced Coffee

RealBeanz Iced Coffee Coconut Water Dark Roast: Half the calories!

These Coconut Water versions I was very excited to try.  The RealBeanz Iced Coffee Coconut Water Dark Roast smelled deeply of coffee, and when I gulped some down, it had a great coffee taste!  Not as milky as the regular non-Coconut Water versions, so the overall feel of the liquid was lighter…but very refreshing.  Sort of tangy.  Not a bad cool-down drink, to be honest.  Really liked it.

RealBeanz Iced Coffee

RealBeanz Iced Coffee Coconut Water Cappuccino: The Money Shot

RealBeanz Iced Coffee

RealBeanz Iced Coffee Coconut Water Cappuccino: Wait, Kurt again????WTF.

RealBeanz Iced Coffee

RealBeanz Iced Coffee Coconut Water Cappuccino: My fingers are sort of pudgy

This RealBeanz Iced Coffee Coconut Water Cappuccino, at least to me, had the lightest coffee flavor of the Cappuccinos, even lighter than the RealBeanz Diet Cappuccino drink.  Definitely less sweet than the regular Cappuccino, this had the same refreshing quality as the RealBeanz Coconut Water Dark Roast.

So there you have it: ALL SEVEN FLAVORS OF REALBEANZ REVIEWED!  So which did I like the best? Junk Food Gal has selected the regular Cappuccino Energize as her favorite, and I’d probably go with the Coconut Water Dark Roast as mine, the Vanilla Nut being a close second.  Least favorite: Caramel.

Every other flavor?  I’d give them all a big thumbs up.  All in all, these coffee drinks were tasty, light, and refreshing. Was a fan of them before, and still a fan now, having tried the lot. Definitely not as heavy handed as Starbucks bottled Frappaccinos, and with more variety. Big thumbs up.

AND YOU could be in line to try ALL of them!!! How? Read on.

—-

*** CONTEST DETAILS ***

Ok, so. How can you get your hands on a sample pack of RealBeanz coffee?  TIME FOR ANOTHER TWITTER CONTEST:

1. Join Twitter.  This is a Twitter contest, so man up and sign up. I keep telling you to do this. So do it.

2. Once you’re on Twitter, look for my tweets about RealBeanz Iced Coffee!  To best find these tweets, follow me on Twitter here – it’s not required, but it’ll make everything a whole lot easier when you’re looking for my RealBeanz tweets.

3. Re-Tweet the RealBeanz Tweets that I’ll post periodically through the next week.  AND THAT’S IT.  You’ll automatically be entered in a drawing for an Iced Coffee Sampler Pack.

4. Contest ends at 11:59pm EST on Saturday, March 2, 2013.  Get all your Re-Tweets in before then!  I’ll announce the winner on either Sunday March 3, or Monday March 4.

5. US residents are the only ones eligible to participate, and no one with PO Boxes.  I don’t make the rules.  Wait, I kind of do.  But whatever – RealBeanz will only ship within the US and to no PO Boxes.  So keep that in mind.

6. Friends can and SHOULD enter, since I’ve become friends with so many of you over Facebook, Twitter, comments, etc.  Family cannot enter, but is encouraged to re-tweet anyways and have THEIR friends enter.

7. The more times you Re-Tweet, the more times you’ll be entered!  The winners of the Candy Corn Oreos DELUGED THEIR TIMELINES with Junk Food Guy tweets.  You can do the same thing!

So that’s it, Junk Food Nation.  Enter my Twitter Contest and win a Sampler Pack of RealBeanz Iced Coffees, mailed directly to your door.  DO IT!

Thoughts? Please comment below or hit me up on Twitter @junkfoodguy or LIKE my Facebook Page and message me there. Also, you can always email me at [email protected]. Let’s do this.

Sincerely, Junk Food Guy

Discuss - 10 Comments

  1. Will says:

    What is wrong with people? That email is unbelievable. How does shit like that cross people’s minds???? WTF

  2. Shorneys says:

    Dear neighbor,

    If you would kindly point out your unlocked car for me, I would be very grateful.

    Many thanks.

  3. Devin says:

    That email reminds me of how several HOAs wanted to collect DNA samples from everyone’s dog just to try to find out who wasn’t picking up their dog’s waste. While stray dog poop might be annoying, going overboard like that on a solution is just going to make you a laughingstock.

    I’ve actually been drinking a ton of International Delights Iced Coffee lately, so I would definitely like to try these out.

  4. Kahnfucius says:

    Maybe the author of the email lives in a garage…

  5. Janine says:

    Dear Kurt, Brazil is not a city. No wonder they fired you for Burt…

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