You Know It’s The Holidays When…
Junk Food Nation, I’m rushing around in my attorney persona today, doing trial things and whatnot, so I have to make this brief, unfortunately. My buddy Joe recently sent me and email that just said, “Yup, it’s Christmas. Gross.”
Attached was the following picture:
GAAAAAH! Seltzer water that tastes like EGGNOG!? Have we learned nothing from the failed Crystal Pepsi experiment???
And yes, this commercial, which looks like it was pieced together using a VHS recorder and some clip art from Microsoft Paint, was an actual national advertisement back in the day. The funny thing was Pepsi tried to market Crystal Pepsi as having less preservatives, as being more refreshing, as being BETTER for you – when it was probably more toxic than ever! Ugh. “Mommy, drinking this Crystal Pepsi makes my soul hurt.”
That’s what makes this Polar Seltzer ever more disturbing – Crystal Pepsi failed because, for the most part, people realized that clear liquids that still taste like a certain flavor ARE NOT OF THIS WORLD AND MUST BE BANISHED TO MORDOR. So when Polar, in 2012, makes clear fizzy liquids that taste like Mint Chocolate, Butter Rum, and Egg Nog? *shuddering* There’s some agenda Polar has here, and I don’t know what it is. But it’s evil. I’m almost positive.
I rarely turn down junk food abominations, but clear liquids like these weird me out. What about you?
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Junk Food Guy