New Baron’s Chocolate PB&J’s with Grape Jelly & Awkward Mondays: Parallel Stalking…I mean, Parking

Junk Food Nation, something happens to me ALL THE TIME which is horribly awkward.  I consider myself a good, no, GREAT, parallel parker (though a few friends of mine might have something to say about that.) And one of the most awkward moments I STILL HAVE on a consistent basis is pulling up next to a car in front of the empty space, in preparation of parallel parking…and you look over and there’s someone sitting in that stupid car.

Correction: there is someone sitting in that car who is now turning to STARE AT YOU. STARE AT the weirdo (me) that has just pulled up close to their driver’s side window.  And they just sit there staring at you until they realize, as you’re backing away, that all YOU really want to do is park in the damn space behind them. And yet many will continue to stare and actually turn to look back at you as you begin to park.  WHAT?? LOOK AWAY, SIR.

I dunno how to make that situation LESS awkward. I mean, it’s not THEIR fault – they’re startled because it appears as if some stalker just pulled up to their window and is about to roll down the glass to ask for some Grey Poupon or some shit.  And if you’re male like me and that person happens to be female, they give you rather alarmed looks.  Calm down, lady. I’m not going to rape you from my driver’s seat.

And it’s not MY fault – I HAVE to pull up this close, BECAUSE THAT’S THE SCIENCE OF GOOD PARALLEL PARKING.  Trust me, I’d rather not get close to you eating your sub in the front seat of a Mustang (weirdo), but I have to, so leave me alone, ok?

That’s another thing – once you see there’s a person IN that car, you have to be extra careful not to tap any part along the way to the perfect parallel park lest you draw the ire of that person.  Ugh. My perfect parallel parking prowess means I get to tap the cars in front and behind me at least three times each – that’s why they’re called bumpers, no? And SIR, YOU ARE RUINING MY FLOW.

Next time I am in this situation, and the person in the driver’s seat turns to look at me quizzically, I’m gonna shift into neutral and just rev my engines really loud.  Then slowly back into the space behind them. Hell, if I’m gonna feel this awkward, at least I can confuse them even more.

Today’s junk food: New Baron’s Chocolate PB&J’s with Grape Jelly!

New Baron's Chocolate PB&J's with Grape Jelly: The Money Shot

New Baron’s Chocolate PB&J’s with Grape Jelly was purchased at my local Walgreens, on sale for $1.50. It marks the first time I’d ever seen peanut butter AND jelly in a chocolate bar, and I wondered why it hadn’t been done before!  Seriously, this seems so simple – where’s my Snickers Peanut Butter and Jelly candy bar? Potential untapped here, Mars Corp.

Why do the grape and the peanut look like hoodlums?

New Baron’s Chocolate PB&J’s with Grape Jelly is made by Baron’s, a chocolate company who also makes a strawberry jelly version of this candy.  Actually, these two versions appear to be the ONLY thing this company makes, unless I’m missing something.

I certainly hope the real candy looks better than this cartoon version

New Baron’s Chocolate PB&J’s have been reviewed by Candy Blog and by Candy Gurus. Neither liked it very much. Not a good start, Baron’s.

Lotta chemicals in this 170 calories

New Baron’s Chocolate PB&J’s with Grape Jelly is chock full of chemicals, but honestly, what candy isn’t these days?  Pretty low in calories, considering that each individually wrapped bar is less than 60 calories.

Like sticks of gum!

And here are the individually wrapped New Baron’s Chocolate PB&J’s with Grape Jelly bars! They look like sticks of Fruit Stripe Gum!

As cute as a Kit Kat

Unwrapped!  Time to take a bite….hmmm.  VERDICT: These New Baron’s Chocolate PB&J’s with Grape Jelly were ….good.  Not great, but good. “OK” is a good word for it.

The Chocolate: Soft and sweet like a typical milk chocolate.  Had a really melty feeling to it, very similar to the kind of chocolate you get with a Reese’s cup – probably all the hydrogenated oil.

Jelly dribbling out

The Peanut Butter: Sweet like the kind of peanut butter you’d find in a Reese’s cup.  It mixed with the chocolate right away to give that really great creamy peanut butter and chocolate taste.

The Jelly: At first, sort of faint, but strong in flavor. Once your tongue hits a little of it, you definitely get a grape-y or berry taste – that sudden bite of sweetness.  There wasn’t a ton of jelly, however. Still, very sweet.  High fructose corn syrup sweet.

The combo: Just as you’d expect. Not great, but good.  I mean, its processed peanut butter and jelly inside of a chocolate bar!  Not a bad treat.

Is it my new favorite chocolate bar in the world? No.  Does it taste like a PB & J sandwich? I mean, not really.  But Baron’s had a flavor promise and executed it as best they could in candy form. I give it decent marks – if you like PB & J, you’ll sort of like this.

Thoughts? Let me know if the comments below!  Or hit me on Twitter @junkfoodguy or on my Facebook Page.

Sincerely, Junk Food Guy

Discuss - 11 Comments

  1. Albany Dana says:

    OK, I’ll bite…how do they go from “60 calories each” to 170 calories for 3 of them? Do they figure you’ll end up with 10 calories worth of chocolate melted on your hand? 10 calories worth of jelly dribbled on your white shirt?

    And why on earth is the serving size 3 of them? I thought they were each granola bar sized but the whole package is like Hershey bar sized?

    I find these nearly as confusing as if someone pulled up next to me and asked for some s**t.

    • junkfoodguy says:

      @Dana: to be fair, *I* added the 60 cal each label – but I agree it’s a weird number. Plus, if the serving size is 3, then why only have 8 bars inside? It’s like getting hotdogs in packs of 12 and buns in packs of 8.

    • Albany Dana says:

      You added the “8 individually wrapped bars 60 calories each” on the front?

    • junkfoodguy says:

      @Dana. Ah, you are correct – and I thought I made it all up myself for some reason! Yes, you’re right….Baron’s is clearly confusing!

  2. Shorneys says:

    “Pardon me, would you have any Grey Poupon?”

  3. Lot-O-Choc says:

    Sounds an interesting bar!..Good that theyre less than 60kcals!
    Hilarious about the parallel parking as well..i feel your awkwardness!

  4. Davie says:

    Both me (44) & my nephew (13) tried this cuz we love pb&j and chocolate so figured it may be a genious combo like Elvis’s fried banana peanut butter sandwiches… we agree that we’re glad we tried it but will never crave it because yes, it is mediocre.

  5. Crystal Douglas says:

    Russell Stover used to make Peanut Butter and Jelly cups— just like this, but in chocolate “cups”… I was so sad when they discontinued them, but it looks like this company carried on the tradition. I haven’t had any yet, but plan on getting some within the next day or two! Hope they’re as good!

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