Tubi’s Tire Tread Red Licorice & 12 Sports Thoughts from Last Night: The NFL Draft, and More

Junk Food Nation, I’d like to share twelve thoughts I had immediately before, during, and after the NFL Draft:

1) Mickey Loomis is apparently angry that he’s been accused of wiretapping and listening to opposing coaches’ game time communications.  Yeah, in light of the bounty scandal, we believe you Mickey.  Yeah, sure…CRIMINAL! CRIMINAL!!!!!!!

2) The NFL is thinking about suspending the Pro Bowl due to lack of interest. In other news, the sun is bright.

3) Kobe sat out to let Kevin Durant win the scoring title?? YOU STUPID PUNK.  Durant doesn’t want that!  How do you manage to show up the classiest star in the game right now by NOT doing something??? You “let” him win?? You arrogant prick. I hope OKC thrashes you in the playoffs.

4) Kevin Love shaved his beard since he’s hurt and out for the season, and now he looks like the kid who used to deliver my pizzas.

5) After Andrew Luck was drafted #1, he and Goodell had a HUGE hug. Not a man hug.  A full on, body-pressed-to-body two-arm hug like Goodell just revealed he was Luck’s father or something.  My oh my.

6) Andrew Luck’s sisters, as expected are…not cute.

More thoughts after the jump.  Today’s junk food: Tubi’s Tire Tread Red Licorice!

The Money Shot

Tubi’s Tire Tread Red Licorice was found at my local Giant Food Mart.  10 for $10.  I bought one, because this looked kind of scary.  The size of a normal candy bar, I thought “Why NOT eat a gigantic Powerbar of Licorice? That can’t be unhealthy…can it?”

Tire Tread Red is meant to sound tough, I think.  They got the tire tread image across the front – that MEANS it’s tough – no?

HOLY MOLY CALORIES!

If you look closely, this Tubi’s Tire Tread Red Licorice has THREE servings a container which each have 300 calories???? WHAT THE F. That means this candy bar size rectangle of licorice has almost 900 calories???? I’d rather eat a cheeseburger!  What’s in this shit??

Guaranteed to stick to your ribs

Ingredient 1: Glucose Syrup. Ingredient 2: Sugar. Ingredient 3: Flour.  Yeah….this can’t be good for me.

I like how they maintain the tread marks throughout the packaging.  It’s nice to have a theme (yikes).

Peel back stickiness

Tubi’s Tire Tread Red Licorice comes apart in three layers of eight rods of pure gelatin-like strawberry ropes.  This isn’t licorice at all – these are strawberry ropes! Like Sour Gummy Straws, without the sour!  Grrrr…

3 layers of fun

You'll need floss when you're done

I took a strip of this Tubi’s Tire Tread “Red Licorice” (I’m using quotes now), and chewed – and wow.  And that’s wow, not in a good way.  This was sweet and artificial tasting, just like a strawberry gummy rope would taste.  Also, to be fair, “strawberry” is a term used lightly – this had the essence of strawberry, but really the flavor of plastic-y processed sugar.  Gah.

It stuck to my teeth and to my gums, and even after I brushed and flossed, I’m sure there’s still some candy in there rotting away my teeth.  Yeah, I won’t be eating this again anytime soon.

There’s nothing left to describe.  The only description you need is: No.

—-

More random sports thoughts!

7) I never really liked how the cameramen loved to focus on the players talking on the phones before their names were called.  Sure we already knew who was going #1 and #2, but keep some mystery in it, can’t you, ESPN? Instead, while a team is “On the Clock,” you have the damn camera pointed at him for five full minutes.  Ugh.

8 ) Now that I’m watching the draft more, EVERYONE is giving Goodell a huge two-arm hug.  I think Ryan Tannenhill might’ve cocked a leg too.  Does anyone ELSE remember so many hugs at one time, and them being so…er…POWERFUL in the past?  Goodness. Anytime a new player walks on stage, Goodell has both arms out yelling “C’MERE YOU!”

9) ESPN’s Blue Room sponsored by Bud Light??  I don’t even have to make up a joke for this.

10) Curt Schilling indicated that Michael Pineda (he who caused me much heart break yesterday) could be back in under a year. You know things are bad when I’m hoping Curt effing Schlling is right.

11) It’s also not good when your hurt pitching prospect is also 20 lbs. overweight, and people are saying that maybe the injury was a good thing because now he can rehab his entire body at the same time.  WELL IF THAT AIN’T A SILVER EFFING LINING.

12) Stay classy, Boston.  By the way, it’s not the 1950′s anymore.

Thoughts? Hit me in the comments below or hit me on Twitter @junkfoodguy or on my Facebook Page.

Sincerely, Junk Food Guy

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Discuss - 13 Comments

  1. Albany Dana says:

    RE: #7 – saw this from Richard Deitsch at SI: “Suspense is making a comeback at the NFL Draft. Executives at both ESPN and the NFL Network know how much you dislike when they foreshadow or tip picks before the official announcement, so both networks pledged during interviews with SI.com last week that broadcast cameras will no longer show first-round draftees on the phone with their teams before being selected.” Of course they clearly smashed this ‘pledge’ to smithereens right away, but it seems like they basically just limited it to Luck and RGIII since those picks were pre-announced. I was watching the ESPN telecast and it seemed like they did try not to tip the picks for the first half or so. They seemed to go back to their old ways after a while and started showing the guy about to be picked, he just wasn’t “on the phone with their teams”, or it was in the crawl when announcing trades – pret-ty lame, Milhouse.

    As for the hugging – these are NFL prospects, remember…maybe Goodell was frisking them.

    I can’t believe my dumb*** Chiefs took the consensus ‘reach/bust of the year’, Poe. How many times can you whiff on DL picks before you STOP! Apparently the answer is ‘nevermore’, he’s the 9th one drafted in 10 years and I can count the number of impact ones on – uh, no hands. Funny, I seem to recall them taking their future NT LAST year – in a freakish twist of fate, his name? Jerrell Powe. DeCastro, anyone? Hello? Is this thing on? 15 year starting pro bowl guard?

    • junkfoodguy says:

      @Albany Dana – no, you’re right. Luck and RGIII were the only ones on the phone. They did keep panning back to guys sitting there that eventually got selected, etc – right they weren’t “on the phone” per se, and they didn’t put their names under their faces all the time, which I GUESS was their attempt at being coy ;)

      LOL re: the frisk. And the Chiefs…who did you want them to nab instead?

  2. Albany Dana says:

    I was hoping that Luke Kuechly would fall to them as most of the mocks showed. Pairing him with Derrick Johnson in the middle with Houston and Hali on the outside would have easily made them the best 3-4 linebacker group in the league. Once he was gone I wanted them to take David DeCastro, the guard that the Steelers grabbed. Plug him in and forget about that position for a decade, which is what PIT will now do.

    Once Kuechly’s stock started to rise I was thinking they should have been trying to move up to get him, everybody was trading like mad last night – but then I was reading the KC paper’s site this morning and it turns out Poe is the guy they wanted all along. Right now they’re planning to play a 3-4 but their only tackle is a 2nd year guy that only played a couple of snaps last year despite supposedly being a 350 lb beast. Now they’re all excited about this guy, another 350 lb beast, but their comments are all about how he needs coaching and to learn the position and has potential – in other words, he’s not ready to start.

    • junkfoodguy says:

      @Dana: Yes, I wanted Kuechly for my Bills too. Or Mark Barron, but he went early. With my Bills playing the Pats, I just felt we needed ANY sort of help in the middle to help with Aaron Hernandez and Rob Gronk… sigh

  3. #12 – OMG – This is why when people say there’s racism in LA, I always say, “You don’t know racism until you’ve been to a sporting event in Boston.” Ugh…

  4. Will says:

    Most of those tweets weren’t from boston fans. The tweets were all over the country including your city buffalo. It’s irresponsible to call all Boston fans racist, when there is a few ignorant people out there. Look at most of the tweets then get your facts straight. You will see!

    • junkfoodguy says:

      @Will: Too true, Will – I shouldn’t have lumped all Boston peeps together. Trust me – I’m keenly aware of the ignorance in all places

  5. Will says:

    Ok Ty. I really like your blog, it’s my favorite one!

  6. bobilani says:

    Hello :) I came across your post when searching for Tubi’s Tire Tread licorice. I just wanted to give a head’s up on the nutritional info listed on the package. When I first purchased it, I was really shocked by the serving size and calorie ratio too. I thought it was weird because regular licorice is usually pretty decent and wondered why theirs was so high. Well, if you look at the weight of the bar on the front of the package – 2 ounces – and look at the serving size on the back – 100 grams – you can see where the company messed up. There are 3.53 ounces in 100 grams, which is 1.53 more ounces than that single bar has in it. So not to worry – it’s not 900 calories…it’s under 300.

  7. bobilani says:

    The Tubi’s Tire Tread nutritional info is wrong on the package. I wish they’d change it. The bar is 2 ounces while the nutritional info is for a 100 gram serving. There are 3.53 ounces in 100 grams, so that one bar is less than 300 calories. I did the math when I tried the bar myself and wondered how it could be so much higher in calories than Twizzlers.

  8. bobilani says:

    Sorry for the double post – stupid computer glitch.

    • junkfoodguy says:

      @Bobilani – no worries about the Double Post! Yeah I was so confused when I looked at the nutritional info – thanks for the clarity!

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