Tubi’s Tire Tread Red Licorice & 12 Sports Thoughts from Last Night: The NFL Draft, and More
Junk Food Nation, I’d like to share twelve thoughts I had immediately before, during, and after the NFL Draft:
1) Mickey Loomis is apparently angry that he’s been accused of wiretapping and listening to opposing coaches’ game time communications. Yeah, in light of the bounty scandal, we believe you Mickey. Yeah, sure…CRIMINAL! CRIMINAL!!!!!!!
2) The NFL is thinking about suspending the Pro Bowl due to lack of interest. In other news, the sun is bright.
3) Kobe sat out to let Kevin Durant win the scoring title?? YOU STUPID PUNK. Durant doesn’t want that! How do you manage to show up the classiest star in the game right now by NOT doing something??? You “let” him win?? You arrogant prick. I hope OKC thrashes you in the playoffs.
4) Kevin Love shaved his beard since he’s hurt and out for the season, and now he looks like the kid who used to deliver my pizzas.
5) After Andrew Luck was drafted #1, he and Goodell had a HUGE hug. Not a man hug. A full on, body-pressed-to-body two-arm hug like Goodell just revealed he was Luck’s father or something. My oh my.
6) Andrew Luck’s sisters, as expected are…not cute.
More thoughts after the jump. Today’s junk food: Tubi’s Tire Tread Red Licorice!
Tubi’s Tire Tread Red Licorice was found at my local Giant Food Mart. 10 for $10. I bought one, because this looked kind of scary. The size of a normal candy bar, I thought “Why NOT eat a gigantic Powerbar of Licorice? That can’t be unhealthy…can it?”
Tire Tread Red is meant to sound tough, I think. They got the tire tread image across the front – that MEANS it’s tough – no?
If you look closely, this Tubi’s Tire Tread Red Licorice has THREE servings a container which each have 300 calories???? WHAT THE F. That means this candy bar size rectangle of licorice has almost 900 calories???? I’d rather eat a cheeseburger! What’s in this shit??
Ingredient 1: Glucose Syrup. Ingredient 2: Sugar. Ingredient 3: Flour. Yeah….this can’t be good for me.
I like how they maintain the tread marks throughout the packaging. It’s nice to have a theme (yikes).
Tubi’s Tire Tread Red Licorice comes apart in three layers of eight rods of pure gelatin-like strawberry ropes. This isn’t licorice at all – these are strawberry ropes! Like Sour Gummy Straws, without the sour! Grrrr…
I took a strip of this Tubi’s Tire Tread “Red Licorice” (I’m using quotes now), and chewed – and wow. And that’s wow, not in a good way. This was sweet and artificial tasting, just like a strawberry gummy rope would taste. Also, to be fair, “strawberry” is a term used lightly – this had the essence of strawberry, but really the flavor of plastic-y processed sugar. Gah.
It stuck to my teeth and to my gums, and even after I brushed and flossed, I’m sure there’s still some candy in there rotting away my teeth. Yeah, I won’t be eating this again anytime soon.
There’s nothing left to describe. The only description you need is: No.
More random sports thoughts!
7) I never really liked how the cameramen loved to focus on the players talking on the phones before their names were called. Sure we already knew who was going #1 and #2, but keep some mystery in it, can’t you, ESPN? Instead, while a team is “On the Clock,” you have the damn camera pointed at him for five full minutes. Ugh.
8 ) Now that I’m watching the draft more, EVERYONE is giving Goodell a huge two-arm hug. I think Ryan Tannenhill might’ve cocked a leg too. Does anyone ELSE remember so many hugs at one time, and them being so…er…POWERFUL in the past? Goodness. Anytime a new player walks on stage, Goodell has both arms out yelling “C’MERE YOU!”
9) ESPN’s Blue Room sponsored by Bud Light?? I don’t even have to make up a joke for this.
11) It’s also not good when your hurt pitching prospect is also 20 lbs. overweight, and people are saying that maybe the injury was a good thing because now he can rehab his entire body at the same time. WELL IF THAT AIN’T A SILVER EFFING LINING.
12) Stay classy, Boston. By the way, it’s not the 1950’s anymore.
Sincerely, Junk Food Guy