Orville Redenbacher’s White Cheddar Gourmet Popping Corn & The Ups and Downs of Wednesday Night: Caps Win, Michael Pineda Loses

Junk Food Nation, this is the emotional roller coaster I was on last night. I’d been watching some of the Washington Capitals-Boston Bruins NHL playoff Game 7. The District has been chomping at the bit, wanting a playoff series win over Boston SO BADLY that my throat was parched and I didn’t want to move from the couch.  When the game went into overtime, I darted for the rest room with nervous energy.

10:10pm: After leaving the bathroom, I grabbed some water and settled down to wait for the overtime period to begin. I have bitten all my nails and cuticles at this point.

10:20pm: I’m yelling in my living room, “LETS GO CAPS! LETS GO CAPS!”


10:24pm: Call my buddy Rob for a few congratulations, since of course my position on the couch dictated the win.  Sighing, and having no interest in watching post game, I press mute and check Twitter:

10:25pm: I scroll gleefully through Twitter to read the reactions.  Giggle to myself.

10:30pm: I flip over to Baseball Tonight, needing more sports adrenaline, and hear Karl Ravech say: “If you’re just joining us, we’re discussing Michael Pineda, starter for the Yankees….it has been confirmed that he has a torn labrum and will be out for the season.”

10:30.5pm: Go completely numb.

10:31pm: rewind DVR and play the words again.  Immediately exclaim…well, something not polite.

10:31 – 10:40pm: listen to the Baseball Tonight guys discuss what happened, the sound getting quieter in my ears as my head spins.

10:40pm: Turn TV off, turn off lights, go to bed, cry silently.

Ok, I’m kidding (not really). But I am a Yankees fan and this was devastating news.  But my morning-after take on this, after the jump.

Today’s junk food: Orville Redenbacher’s White Cheddar Gourmet Popping Corn!  Now I bought this at Walmart, but I don’t think it’s new at all.  I think that’s a lie. I think I’ve seen this since the Fall.  But whatever – I enjoy cheesy snacks.

Orville Redenbacher’s White Cheddar Gourmet Popping Corn: The Money Shot. This isn't new, though. Lies, Orville. Lies.

Orville Redenbacher’s White Cheddar Gourmet Popping Corn: The salt sprinkling these large popcorn pieces should've clued me into the sodium content of this popcorn.

Orville Redenbacher’s White Cheddar Gourmet Popping Corn: When it comes to popcorn, I have no idea what one serving size is supposed to be. One cup? A handful? When my hand reachs the bottom of the bag and is covered with unpopped kernels?

Orville Redenbacher’s White Cheddar Gourmet Popping Corn: The quote is "You'll like it better or my name isn't Orville Redenbacher," not "You'll like it better or my name isn't" .... get it right.

Orville Redenbacher’s White Cheddar Gourmet Popping Corn: I enjoy a nice snack of cheddar cheese cultures and corn syrup solids.

Orville Redenbacher’s White Cheddar Gourmet Popping Corn: The ominous soylent green packet

Orville Redenbacher’s White Cheddar Gourmet Popping Corn: The flavor packed cheese powder, I presume.

Orville Redenbacher’s White Cheddar Gourmet Popping Corn: After popping, I just emptied the powder into the bag and shook at intervals. Most of it stuck to the side of the bag. Appetizing.

Orville Redenbacher’s White Cheddar Gourmet Popping Corn: Still a good amount of powder got onto the actual popcorn, making each piece all furry. Well, semi-furry. A little furry. Whatever.

Here’s my impression of this Orville Redenbacher’s White Cheddar Gourmet Popping Corn: SALTY.  WOW.  This is one of those snacks that when you take a handful and stuff it into your mouth (since that’s how I eat popcorn), you think, “Hey this tastes great!” And then you’re like, “Why are my fingers becoming bloated?”

This popcorn was warm and fresh, like typical microwave popcorn.  It left that same semi-weird greasy feeling in your mouth, like microwave popcorn does.  But the butter-like coating allowed for plenty of cheesy powder to stick, which was a pleasant surprise given the fact that it didn’t necessarily LOOK like much powder was sticking.

The cheese flavor was much like most cheese popcorn: very strong white cheddar flavor. In fact, it was so sharp that, like the Popcorn, Indiana White Cheddar Chip’ins, I thought a little bit of blue cheese was added.  But overall, it was REALLY salty.  Like, smack your mouth and search for water salty.  You don’t notice it at first, but as you consume more popcorn and you get lost in the cheese powder, you start noticing that each bite’s after taste is REALLY salty sharp on the tongue.  I definitely needed a palette cleanser after this snack.

Tasty, but I probably wouldn’t go for it again.  I’ll stick to Smart Food or Popcorn, Indiana.  (Yeah, because I’m sure they don’t use salt at all in their snacks…sigh).


Ok, so who was I mad at when I heard about the injury?

THE MARINERS: Did they know something the Yankees didn’t? DID THEY?  Did they pull a fast one on us?  Well, from all my research and accounts, the answer looks like…no. Brian Cashman, GM of the Yankees indicated that the Yanks themselves did everything they could to check for damaged goods, and Seattle made no false representations.  Sigh.  Fine.  I’m still bitter, but it looks like the Mariners are off the hook.

PINEDA: Did you do something to your arm, buddy?  DID YOU PLAY TOO MUCH GUITAR HERO IN THE OFFSEASON?  DID YOU!?  As much as I want to hate Pineda, I can’t – he certainly doesn’t WANT to be hurt, and I really don’t think he did anything purposely to made millions of New Yorkers angry.  Grrrrr…you better rehab well, Pineda. Shoulder injuries are no joke. These days they arm more problematic than even Tommy John sufferers.

THE YANKEES: Did we need to trade Montero?  Did we??? Well, I’d say…yes. If there’s anything I’ve learned from watching this Yankees team, its that offense is not the problem. It’s never been the problem.  Pitching is, was, and will be their issue.  Thank God New York has a good bullpen, because their starters make me shit my pants.

If we were gonna trade hot prospect Montero, I wanted it to be for an equally young and hot pitching prospect.  Strasburg, King Felix, etc…I really thought Pineda was of that ilk. I don’t blame the trade…The Yankees have scored 100 runs this year already, 3rd best in MLB.  I’m not worried about not having Montero – I just want Pineda in the rotation.

In the end, I’m upset Pineda is hurt, but I can’t blame anyone. It just sucks.  Unless I find out Pineda wrecked a motorcycle with a U-Arkansas coed on the back. Then I’ll be pissed.

Thoughts? Hit me in the comments below or hit me on Twitter @junkfoodguy or on my Facebook Page.

Sincerely, Junk Food Guy

Discuss - 2 Comments

  1. Lindemann says:

    You also could have spent the minutes post-Caps win being incensed at certain idiots: http://chirpstory.com/li/6781

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