EXCLUSIVE: The First Review of the Second StrasBurger …Ever!

OK, Junk Food Nation, get ready for an exclusive, a scoop, a first time EVER review – ANYWHERE.  I’ve scoured the internet, the interwebs, and the skies, and it’s confirmed: this is the FIRST play-by-play review of the StrasBurger, the newest eating sensation at the Nationals Park, home of the Washington Nationals!

But let’s back up. Yesterday was Home Opening Day for the Washington Nationals, DC’s baseball team. Their phenom ace pitcher is Stephen Strasburg. The Red Porch Restaurant at the stadium decided to honor the player by creating…the StrasBurger!  This new burger was first mentioned, I believe, by Dan Steinberg of the Washington Post Sports Bog in this article back in Mid-March. Yahoo and NBC picked up the story the next day.  (Don’t confuse this with the StrasBurger that was offered at BGR The Burger Joint.)

Despite tweets and articles of what this burger looks like, it wasn’t yet being sold until yesterday morning, Home Opening Day, when the stadium gates unlocked, the Red Porch opened, and customers could finally order this blicky.  Where was I? Stuck in a hearing, of course (THANKS, LAW JOB!)  But lucky for me, my close friends, Rob (@KahnNotations) and Andrew (@DMVClassical) were on hand to eat the second StrasBurger ever sold to the public! And I GOTZ THE SCOOP!

(Sorry, DC Sports Bog, Let Teddy Win, and any other Nats Blog – I have insider access!)

The price tag is shouting "LIMITED NUMBER AVAILABLE!"

As the menu indicates, the StrasBurger is an “8-lb Monster Burger, this cheeseburger has all the fixin’s and only for fans with serious appetites. Served with a cone basket of fries. 59″  

Gotta love sports schtick; “only for fans with SERIOUS APPETITES!” (cue clown horn.)  And you read the price right, folks.  $59 bucks. Smackers. Buckaroos. Shamrocks. Is the price this high to keep too many people from buying it, since there’s a limit number available? If so – mission accomplished Red Porch. Yikes.

The Second StrasBurger ...Ever! Money Shot

And there it is – the Second StrasBurger …Ever! Let me explain: As Rob described it to me, the gates opened at 10:30am and they were seated at the Red Porch by 11:15am. They ordered the StrasBurger and asked if anyone else had ordered it yet. “Yeah, that guy,” said the waitress, pointing to another patron, informing Rob and Andrew that they were the second people ever to order the StrasBurger.  Awesome.

Proudly displaying the namesake

The StrasBurger came on its own little stand, and it kind of took forever to arrive to the table, Rob told me. “That’s good…it meant they didn’t just have a bunch of these made sitting under a heat lamp.” Earlier articles said that the StrasBurger would come with a pitcher of soda, but this wasn’t on the menu unfortunately.

Even with the Gaussian blur, you can tell Andrew is HAPPY

Andrew told me that they ordered the burger Medium and as you can tell from the wedge photos above and below, it looks like they got the pink just right.  Good – nothing upsets me more than a charred well done burger.  This monstrosity is one of those burgers you have to cut like a friggin’ birthday cake, into wedges, in order to eat it. What is this, Man vs. Food? No, it’s not, it’s a baseball game. What the hell is happening?

Wedge o' Burger

I mean, just LOOK at this wedge o’ burger! It’s nice to see that the roll doesn’t dominate the ratio – there is PLENTY of ground brisket, chuck and short ribs in there.  According to the Nats:

“Weighing eight pounds total (including toppings), the StrasBurger is a monstrous all beef burger (combination of ground brisket, chuck and short ribs). The burger is served on a large burger bun with our secret sauce, American cheese, shredded lettuce, sliced tomatoes, sliced red onions, pickle chips and served with a cone basket of fresh cut fries and a pitcher of your choice of soft drink. This signature dish is the perfect entrée to share at this affordably-priced family restaurant.”

As I mentioned earlier, the soda is a lie. LIES!

The Cross Section Money Shot

So THAT’s what an 8-lb burger looks like, huh?  WOW.  This StrasBurger borders between amazing and obscene.  I asked Rob and Andrew if more than two people ate it. I mean, after all, it is 8-lbs of sandwich! Rob told me, “I’m sure it was meant to be shared, but no, we had no trouble splitting it between the two of us.”

Andrew’s reaction? “Yeah…we probably shouldn’t have eaten the whole thing ourselves.”

Big wedges of hamburger make camera lens blur

So how’d it taste? Both Rob and Andrew answered, “Tasty.” It was explained to me that they were worried that such a big novelty burger would either be really dried out or overwhelmed by the honkin’ loaf of bread and/or the other toppings.  But because they got the medium-ness of the burger correct, it was juicy throughout and had great flavor of, well, a good burger.

Half done - STILL SCRUMPTIOUS

Good lord, this was the halfway point.  Gross…er…I mean, way to go guys!  This is truly an awe inspiring feat. (Truth: I WISH I WAS THERE TO PARTAKE, DAMNIT!)

Rob did confess to me later that his friend Jordan helped with the fries.  Well, I guess that helps.  Can’t have too much starch when you’re trying to shove 4-lbs of burger down your gullet.

Demolishing the last slivers

Going…

Casualties

Going…

PWNED

Gone!

Yeah...it was well worth it (wasn't it?)

So was the $59 burger worth it?  As Andrew indicated, “In the context of a ball park, the price was reasonable enough. It’d be extortion anywhere else.  But in a ballpark, where everything is basically extortion, the price was OK.” Spoken like a true American.

So there you have it. In the books – the first ever review of NOT ONLY the StrasBurger, but the second Strasburger EVER SOLD…EVER!  Can you have enough “ever”s? No – SECOND EVER EVER EVER!

It will be mine. Oh yes…it will be mine.

Thoughts? Hit me in the comments below or hit me on Twitter @junkfoodguy or on my Facebook Page.

Sincerely, Junk Food Guy

Discuss - 10 Comments

  1. Lindemann says:

    It is possible that I enjoyed reading this review more than I enjoyed eating the Strasburger! Nice work. SCOOP SCOOP SCOOP

  2. OMG, I love it! Epic! Though I think they should have served it in a more manly fashion – that little silver pedestal is too girly. Perhaps on a wooden slab with a knife stabbed through the top – like at the Outback Steakhouse.

    • Kahnfucius says:

      The knife was supposed to be stabbed through the bun but they kinda forgot the knife when they brought the StrasBurger out, which led to a puzzled expression of “Wait a second, how the hell are we eating this again?” before one was brought over. Then we were too hungry to care about such niceties as getting a good photo like that…or at least I was.

    • junkfoodguy says:

      @Teresapalooza: Nah, those silver pedestals are what are typically used for pizzas, no? I like the height.

  3. Shorneys says:

    If you call the number on the receipt to tell them about your dining experience and to complain about the missing pitcher of soda, do you get the free pitcher of soda … AND A FREE REGULAR SODA? Or is that regular soda ALSO A LIE?

  4. Origami_Kat says:

    Where did you get it?Also you could get a pitcher of Sprite.NOT.LIES LIES LIES!

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