Limited Time Only! Pringles White Cheddar Cheez Ummms & Super Bowl Prop Bets
Junk Food Nation, the Super Bowl is now FIVE days away. For the uninitiated, you can bet on almost anything in the Super Bowl – from what the coin toss results will be to which player will score the first touchdown in the game. There’s also a series of prop bets, or proposition bets, that you can take part in. Grantland and other sites have discussed their take on these prop bets; here’s my take on some of the more popular ones:
How many times will Giselle Bundchen be shown on television during the game?
Over 0.5: -110
Under 0.5: -110
Gisele, the smoking hot wife of Tom Brady, is set to become the world’s first billionaire supermodel. At first I thought, she’s probably attending to support her husband’s “hobby,” but this game is beneath her. She not going to care to get all dolled up and seen. But then I realized that she will probably be sitting in the Kraft box, and they’ll show him at least 3 times. Take the over.
Will Kelly Clarkson’s bare belly be showing when she sings the national anthem?
I love Kelly Clarkson. Best voice to come out of American Idol. But did you see her during last month’s SNL performances? She was poured into that dress. There is NO WAY she shows her belly on national TV unless it’s just a big eff you to everyone. Unless she just wants to be like, “LOOKIT MU BELLY LOOKIT MU BELLY!” Take the NO.
What will the color of the Gatorade dumped on the winning coach be?
It will be yellow. It’s always yellow always. ALWAYS. Unless the lights shine and make it look sort of green, it will always be yellow. Don’t ask me for an explanation. I just know. I JUST KNOW. Yellow. Trust me.
More after the jump. Today’s junk food: Limited Time Only! Pringles White Cheddar Cheez Ummms!
Pringles, why do you do this to me? I know white cheddar isn’t a “new”flavor, and I know what white cheddar tastes like. I mean, just saying “White Cheddar Pringles,” I can already feel in my mouth what these will taste like. But you slap that “Limited Time Only!” label on there, and I am like a mouth drawn to a flame. Damn you. Here. Just take my $2.50, Walmart.
One creepy thing about Pringles Cheez Ummms – it’s the only chip line that actually has the Pringle guy’s hands showing. I dunno why this creeps me out. I was contend when the mustache face was a floating head logo…but add hands? No I’m wondering what the rest of this horrifying cartoon body looks like.
I like the can having pictures of blocks of white cheddar, but then why is the chip orange? Disconnect there, Pringles.
I recently won a bet where I received a gigantic block of white cheddar cheese. Literally. It was a 2-lb brick. Sidenote: I apparently like absurd bets.
It always bothers me when a cheese snack has such little cheese in it, but I’m not surprised. I just like how the word CHEDDAR in English is still CHEDDAR in Spanish.
The Cheez Ummms looked like…well, Pringles. Up close, however, you could see the fine white cheese powder coating every crevice of the delicate chip. I knew that this would be good.
I popped and crunched, and of course they were good. Good white cheddar flavor. Light Pringles potato taste. Nothing special, nothing unexpected. A solid chip that I’d eat 100 out of 100 times.
Pringles, I encourage you to explore more exciting flavors – no more of this Limited Time BS on pretty standard flavors.
More prop bets!
What color will Madonna’s hair be when she begins the Super Bowl Halftime show?
When she begins it? THAT’S weird. Anyways, all the latest pictures have Madonna as a “dirty blonde” color…which means nothing. But as a 53-year old, I doubt she’s gonna pull any publicity stunts out for this performance. Sure it’s the biggest stage she’s had in a while, but she also doesn’t want to look pathetic and sad, trotting out there with pink hair or some shit. Take BLONDE if blonde includes dirty blonde.
Will Madonna wear an NFL jersey or shirt at any point during the Super Bowl halftime show?
There is NO CHANCE that Madonna wears some random oversized NFL jersey for the Super Bowl half time show. Are you kidding??? The Boss didn’t, Bono didn’t, and there is no chance Madonna will. Madonna is bigger than the Super Bowl in a lot of ways. Take the NO. Although I do hold out hope that she does randomly appear in a Drew Bledsoe jersey.
How many times will Peyton Manning be shown on television during the game?
Over 3.5: -110
Under 3.5: -110
They’ll have to find him first. During the last Super Bowl, I remember him hiding in the top row of a box seat, in the shadows, where a camera focusing on him had to duck down low to see him. With all the scrutiny surrounding his recent offseason rumors, I am pretty sure he’ll be hiding all game long. Take the UNDER.
Number of homemade Pulled Pork Sandwiches consumed by Junk Food Guy during the game?
This is my own personal bet. I’ll set the over/under at 2.5, and take the over. NOMNOMNOM.
Sincerely, Junk Food Guy