Asian Junk Food Alert! Mr. Pea’s Wasabi Peas & Recapping an Evening of Football (aka When the Saints Go Marching)

Junk Food Nation, I had a couple friends over last night to watch the start of the Wildcard Weekend, and I thought it’d be fun to present to you a running diary of the evening.  Yes, I know I am copying The Sports Guy (see this for an example).  But isn’t imitation the greatest form of flattery? No? Oh, it’s called stealing?  Hmm.  Anyways….

7:00pm: We’re coming to you live from the Junk Food Condo, funded in part by…well, no one, I had to buy this place myself.  My friends Andrew (Lions’ fan) and Robert are here, and we’ve just started watching the end of the Bengals-Texans game.  Cincy looks bad, and is down 24-10 to Houston. And look, in the audience, there’s George Bush (the senior)! And man, he looks senior.  What is he, 114 years old?  Good lord.

7:04pm: How bad of a coach IS Cincy’s Marvin Lewis, by the way? He used both of his challenge flags prior to the half on a ball-spot and on a clear opponent reception, and now they’re stuck for the rest of the game!  Bad decision making abounds in Cincy, as our discussion about Marvin Lewis is interrupted by Cincy QB Andy Dalton taking a snap, running from a potential sack, and winging a hail mary pass downfield into four defenders who intercepted the ball.  Dude, why did you just do that? Throw it out of bounds!  It’s only the end of the 3rd Quarter!

7:08pm: While discussing my upcoming trip to Vegas for the first round of March Madness, Andrew informs me that the most popular day for men to get vascetomies is the day right before the first round of the tournament – because then they get to just sit around and heal, watching college basketball all day. Hey – you do what you gotta do to watch the tourney, folks.

7:10pm: After watching Arian Foster crack off another good run, Andrew: “Texas is the type of place where someone would hold up an Arian Nation sign…and not get it.”

7:15pm: Andy Dalton intercepted for the 3rd time, Robert declares the game officially over, even though there’s still 7 minutes left to play.

7:20pm: Arian Foster stiff arms and shrugs off Cincinnati defender #42 to rumble into the end zone for another TD.  NOW the game’s over.  Baltimore Ravens, get ready for this running game.  Cincinnati #42, get ready to try out for a new team.

7:25pm: Discussing which was a more impressive stiff arm/defender bitching TD run – Arian Foster’s one just now, or last year’s Marshawn Lynch stiff arm run vs. the Saints? You be the judge.

7:35pm: Ordered chinese food for the late game. 45min to an hour for delivery?? How is this possible?  I feel like it’d be faster if I just drove out to the restaurant, no? – orderd chinese food: 45-min to an hour.  How is this allowed? it’d be faster IN the restaurant.

7:42pm: Arian Foster post-game interview on the win, “We do what we do, play good football.” Arian Foster is not a wordsmith.

At this point in the evening, we cracked open something Andrew brought over, and the subject of today’s junk food: Mr. Pea’s Wasabi Peas!

The Hot Hot Money Shot

I’ve eaten Wasabi Peas for a long time now, and admittedly I’m not a huge fan.  Always too much wasabi. While I like wasabi in small doses, I generally think of it as a flavor that accentuates other flavors – not a flavor I’d eat on its own.  Still, who can resist this tennis ball can full of dried seasoned peas?  Worth a taste.

Billie Jean is not my lover

Andrew told me he bought these Mr. Pea’s Wasabi Peas specifically because the logo looked like a young Michael Jackson…wearing a bow tie…if he was a pea.  Makes sense to me!

Plus, he’s sweating because these peas are HOT HOT.  We’ll see if these peas can deliver.

Pea pod

Danya Foods is a Saudi Arabian company that appears to be shrouded in mystery.  I did a Google search and this was the best info I could find. I’m guessing they don’t have a Facebook Fan Page, huh?

Every allergen in one! YAY!

Mr. Pea’s Wasabi Peas are made of marrowfat peas, which according to Wiki are specifically grown to make this snack…which seems like a waste, but whatever.  These peas also may contain milk, peanuts, seeds, fish, shellfish, tree nuts and soybeans.  It’s a allergenic delight! Now you can enjoy the burning taste of wasabi AND have your throat close up at the same time!

So many funny things here

Mr. Pea’s Wasabi Peas, you gotta knock it off with the HOT HOT. If these things are not HOT HOT I’m going to be pissed.  No, they will not be oh-so-good.  No, I will not eat the oxygen absorber, I’m not (too much) of an idiot.  Plus, keep in dry place, avoid direct sunlight?  Why do I feel like I just bought a Mogwai?

Once you pop...your eyes are burned with nitrogen

Nitrogen flushed pack, huh? This has the chance to be the spiciest Whip-It ever.

Mmmmmmm crunchy looking

Mr. Pea’s Wasabi Peas, ta-da!  They look…just like every other wasabi pea I’ve had.  For the uninitiated, these are wasabi peas – dry, green peas covered in part with hardened yellowish seasoning.  They have been baked/cooked until crunchy, and chomping on them is sort of like chomping on a handful of peanuts.

Hot hot?

I took a large handful and munched.  Definitely good wasabi flavor, but muted, not overpowering.  Enough wasabi that my sinuses cleared, that’s say, but not enough to make my mouth burn.  To that end, Mr. Pea’s Wasabi Peas were not HOT HOT…just HOT.  Good pea flavor, and enough salt to make the whole thing savory.  Not bad, I’d eat these again.  Probably the only wasabi peas that didn’t try to kill me with horseradish, so I give these a thumbs up!

—-

Let’s skip ahead to when the next game, the Detroit Lions at the New Orleans Saints mattered, shall we?

8:15pm: After Detroit draws first TD blood, there is a Brett Favre sighting in one of the box seats!  And wow, he looks old.  Chubby a lil, too.  Old man turkey neck, yikes.  Maybe he wasn’t wearing his Wrangler jeans, Robert quips.

8:27pm: After a bad Marques Colston fumble, NBC mentions that Detroit TE Brandon Pettigrew didn’t start the game because of team rules after he was late to a meeting.  This is Detroit’s first playoff appearance since 1999, and you’re gonna slack on the job??  Moron.

8:44pm: Everyone knows I love the State Farm Aaron Rodger’s commercial.  And now, they have ANOTHER NEW DISCOUNT DOUBLE CHECK COMMERCIAL BJ RAJI!  My evening just got a whole lot better.  I love that fat guy in the window.

8:49pm: After watching a Miller Lite commercial about losing your “man card,” Andrew jokes: “That’s like having a Tivo full of What Not to Wear episodes.” Me: “I watch What Not to Wear.”  Uncomfortable silence.

8:56pm: After a great shot of the scantily clad New Orleans cheerleaders, Andrew: “I like how the New Orleans cheerleaders are basically like, ‘We are the night walkers.’”

8:57pm: Cris Collinsworth after  a Calvin Johnson TD: “You gotta him because he has the ability to get up high and make plays.” Brilliant analysis of the evening #1.

9:10pm: NBC shows a New Orleans fan who is dressed like a black and gold Darth Maul, which makes me think, where did it all go wrong for this dude?

9:33pm: Cris Collinsworth analysis of Drew Brees’ ability to fool defenders: “DREW BREES IS THE MASTER MANIPULATOR WITH HIS EYES.” Exact words.  Brilliant analysis #2.

As the end of the first half drags on, Robert: “It feels like we’re watching the end of a college basketball game!”

9:41pm: Bob Coastas randomly takes the screen to muse on the confusing nature of the playoff overtime rules, and suggests a flat 10 minute overtime rule. NBC wonders “Hey, when did the camera cut to this guy? How long’s he been talking for…seven minutes?! Cut away cut away!”

9:48: Robert Meachem has a long hail mary pass from Drew Brees go right through his hands, which would be a huge break for the Lions if…

9:50pm: …Drew Brees didn’t just throw another long hail mary pass to Devery Henderson for the TD two minutes later.

10:07pm: After Drew Brees makes a Superman-like leap to get a first down, Al Michaels comments “They gotta start checking the QBs for vertical leap at the Combine!”  Um, Al, they DO, idiot.  They do. How are you a sportscaster and I’m not!?

10:09pm: The Saints score yet another TD after no one on the Lions lines up with Jimmy Graham in the end zone.  NO ONE.  He was just out there.  Graham punctuates the TD by doing a 1080 spin and slamming the football over the goalpost.

10:18pm: Matt Stafford AMAZING throw to the 2 yd line, and an amazing catch by Calvin Johnson. I’ll say this – the Lions aren’t giving in yet.

10:24pm: NBC has played 100 commercials for their new series THE FIRM. It’s apparently supposed to be a continuation of the movie, set ten years ahead?  I swear, Josh Lucas actually says in the commercial, “It’s happening again.” Wife: “But that was ten years ago!” Ugh, great script writing, NBC.

10:25pm:: After a Matt Stafford rushing TD is confirmed, Rob: “Next on NBC, the ConFIRMed.  Starring Josh Lucas.”

10:50pm: I look down at my phone briefly and look up to see Robert Meachem catch a wide open pass from Drew Brees for another TD.  Good lord, this game is getting out of hand.

10:55pm: Rob, on looking ahead to tomorrow’s PITT vs. DENVER game: “I like it! It’s a battle between good an evil – between rape and celibacy!”

11:05pm: Cris Collinsworth: “It’s the year of the QB…and the Tight End…and the Offenses.” WHAT!?  Brilliant analysis #3.

11:10pm: Cris Collinsworth: “I’ve been around football for along time, and I tell ya, Drew Brees has got it goin’ on.” Andrew: “Just like Stacy’s mom.” Best line of the evening.

11:14pm: After the 120th THE FIRM commercial on NBC, Rob: “Why is this sequel series still called THE FIRM? Shouldn’t it be called THE FIRMER?”

And with that, the ball game was over.  Thanks for reading this long diary, Junk Food Nation!  I expect the Giants and the Gotham Rogues (I mean the Steelers) to pull it out today.

Thoughts? What are YOUR picks? Tell me in the comments below or hit me on Twitter @junkfoodguy or on my Facebook Page.

Sincerely, Junk Food Guy

Discuss - 3 Comments

  1. This was awesome – you should make a video of you guys watching a game and edit together the funny bits – hee…

    DISCOUNT DOUBLE CHECK!!!

  2. Lindemann says:

    I cannot possibly express how much this can delights me. I also enjoyed the ensuing debate over whether rape is the opposite of celibacy.

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