Vanilla Cupcake Goldfish Flavor Blasted Grahams & Things that Suck: SUNBURNS
I’m OVER being sunburnt. The itching-burning-unable-to-take-a-shower bit? It’s old. I’m over it! Someone get me some aloe!
Apparently in my many years of age, I have not learned the proper method of applying sun tan lotion. No scratch that – according to the information provided to me by one of sisters, I clearly don’t understand what sun tan lotion is!
My feeble mind: higher SPF = greater sun protection! So if I have SPF 50, I can just spray it on once and I should be good for the whole day, right? Right?
Wrong. (1) Apparently, SPF is, in oversimplified terms, merely a multiple measurement that extends the amount of time it will take your skin to burn as opposed to the amount of time it would take without sunblock on. Its a multiplier effect. So if your skin burns rather easily, SPF sunblock will only protect for a little longer, if your skin doesn’t burn easily, the SPF will go much further. Who knew??? Not me. I assumed that a fair skin person could load up on SPF 100 and be good all day! The terms “re-apply” and “sunblock” never crossed the same sentence. (2) SPF has nothing to do with adherence ability – so when I jumped into the ocean after spray the sunblock on? Apparently, it washed right off! Apparently, I’m a moron.
Anyways, as I heal my wounds, shout-out to my OTHER sister for providing me with the below treat: Vanilla Cupcake Goldfish Flavor Blasted Grahams!
I know what you’re thinking. Goldfish crackers are (1) cheesy and (2) savory. Yeah well, not anymore. This ain’t your daddy’s Goldfish. Pepperidge Farms has upped the ante with these sweet graham-cracker based Goldfish “crackers.” And Vanilla Cupcake flavor? Well now, Pepperidge Farms, now you’re just being silly.
First, if these are grahams, why is the fish on the cover still bright effing orange?? You’re confusing us, sir. Second, I love how they wedged the XTREME word in there ever so slightly. Not a lot of confidence in this XTREME endorsement, clearly.
The side of this bag makes no sense in many different ways. I want to write several sentences about this, but I think you get the gist. I’ll just say this. What does sockboarding have to do with vanilla cupcakes?
As I opened the package up, the vanilla cupcake goldfish looked surprisingly …well, bland. Just plain brown graham colored – no exciting frosting, no colorful sprinkles like the bag reflected. Not off to a good start here, Goldfish.
Really, this looked like a bag of tiny graham cracker shapes, similar to the old school Teddy Grahams. In another world, this might be cereal. But at least in this picture, you can KIND OF see tiny specks of color on the fish themselves. Not very cupcake like, however.
This closer inspection shows a little more sugary crystals on each fish, reminiscent of the crumbs leftover in the bottom of a Trix box. Hmm.
I popped one in my mouth, and sure – tasted pretty good, just like a graham cracker based cookie. A HINT of vanilla cupcake frosting taste was there. I tried another cracker – same thing, mostly tasted graham cracker. It was hard to distinguish the flavor. I needed a bigger sample size. So I went and rinsed out my mouth and went for my preferred serving…
…the handful. I popped a WHOLE BUNCH of these fishies into my mouth, and … Not bad. Not great, but not bad. Again, tasted pretty good, just because sweet graham crackers do taste good. With multiple fish, I definitely got an immediate yellow cake taste as I chomped down, that eventually gave way to the more familiar graham cracker taste.
It felt pretty natural to keep pushing handfuls of these cookies (crackers? Let’s face it, they’re cookies) into my mouth, or maybe even setting the edge of the bag on my lips and tipping the contents directly into my gaping maw. Would I eat these again? Shirley. But is it because I think they taste like Vanilla Cupcakes? Nay.
Approaching the one-month mark on this blog! Exciting! Keep following me on Twitter @junkfoodguy. Now I’m off to find some aloe…
Sincerely, Junk Food Guy