Chipotle Cheddar Chex Mix & the First Edition of Things on the Metro that Tilt Me
First, quick shout out to the US Women’s Soccer Team, takin’ care of bid-ness again yesterday. Bring on Japan!
Second, I live in the beautiful nation’s capital, and we have one of the most efficient public transportation systems in the world – the Metro. It has its own share of kinks (single tracked trains, poor handicap access design, random poles), but all in all, having experienced the subway in NYC, Chicago, Boston, SF, and the people mover in Detroit, the Metro reigns supreme.
Still, there are some things that TILT me that I see all the time when riding the metro. Today I’d like to discuss one: People leaning on any poles in the Metro. Are you kidding me??
Look, I know you’re tired. But you’re standing, right? Do you not see the people teetering about, stumbling bumbling, around you? No, they aren’t Metro-surfing, donkey – it’s because they can’t grab the bar you’re leaning on! While you’re resting your back with your earphones in and your douchey man bag slung around your body with your government ID, everyone else pays the price and has to do a yoga pose and contort themselves to grab some far reaching shred of pole somewhere to prevent complete collapse.
Sometimes when I see someone leaning on the pole, I like to jam my hand right into someone’s back and grab the bar, and when they look at me funny, I say WHAT!? really loudly. That usually scares em off.
Everyone loves Chex Mix. Everyone. Someone sometime somewhere suggested taking the healthy cereal and making a savory treat out of it, and people started baking their own buttery Worcestershire-sauce-soaked salty concoctions over and over again. When someone else suggested that General Mills bag this crap and sell it, I’m sure the world stood still for a moment. EPIC.
Bagged Chex Mix has evolved over the years, going from regular to Bold to sweeter almost trail mix style Chex Mix blends. And as someone who LOVES party mixes because, hey, you get to eat several types of junk food in one mouthful, and it’s a party IN YOUR MOUTH, I’m always on the lookout for a new slant on the classic.
Party mixes are a delicate thing to pull off, however. Just like a bad song can ruin a party playlist, a random grapefruit piece can taint a fruit salad, and the wrong blend of veggies can turn into a really bad salad, the wrong combo of snacks can make for an unsuccessful party mix. Ever see a party bowl filled with Bugles and Cheetos? Yeah, didn’t think so, because it’s blasphemy.
Chipotle Cheddar is a bold move for Chex Mix. Chipotle peppers are pretty spicy so I expected some kick. And loyal readers, you know how I feel about cheese flavoring. Don’t promise it unless you can bring it. Rush of tastes and textures, huh? Hooookay!
So what do we have here? Round pretzels, waffle pretzels, wheat Chex, corn Chex, triangle cheese crackers, and weird bulbous cracker stick things. The first thing I noticed – NOT ENOUGH ORANGE OR RED. Big red flag. If this snack is going to promise kick and cheese, it ought to look the part, no?
As I shook some out of the bag, I also immediately noticed the extreme lack of powdering at all! Um, cheese crackers aren’t enough, GM! WTF.
I tried these snacks two ways – pieces individually, and then with a big effing handful to the mouth. My results:
The Chex, obviously, held the most flavor just based on the shape and crevices able to retain any powder. What flavor resulted, however? Slightly spicy tang, almost like a buffalo sauce, with a slight chipotle cumin-y kick. Barely any cheesy flavor. I picked up salty, savory, but really only mild Chipotle.
Pretzels are always the WORST part of Chex Mix. I’m not hating on pretzels generally, but in Chex Mix they have NO FLAVOR AT ALL (WHY WHY WHY???) I mean, they look as clean as can be, no? Are they sprayed with Teflon? ‘Cause they tasted like it.
The crackers were deceiving. I enjoyed them, but only because they tasted good as crackers themselves, not because of anything added that was extraordinary. (Sidenote: the triangle cheese crackers are only masquerading as cheese crackers – almost no cheese flavor. Liars.)
The individual results: Not so good.
The big handful results: ok, now we’re SORT of getting somewhere. When you are able to combine enough pieces together so that their collective taste can impact the tongue… meh. Still not impressed! Slightly cheesy? Sure. SLIGHTLY spicy? I guess. There was a bigger pepper flavor at first, but it faded in a split second. No tingle. In essence, all we did was spread some of the combined Chex flavor that the Mix had to the other blander ingredients.
Final analysis – yeah, as a party mix, its O-K. But I’d prefer buying the original flavor or making my own. Chipotle Cheddar, a big fat No to you in the future.
Sincerely, Junk Food Guy